#honestly I am a mixture of excited and nervous

[mozerellaracoon]

So that guy I have a crush on accepted my friend request (not like I was checking every morning and evening like an idiot) and Ahhhhhh I just don’t know what to do?? I feel like I need to get a grip this doesn’t mean anything but at the same time I am fucking smitten and I never have crushes But does this mean that he actually recognises me from my work? Or just coincidence that he accepted? Does he like me? When we spoke I know he looked at me differently to how others do but was that real or was I just daydreaming? My head is spinning. My mum says I just need some confidence but I’m pretty sure Amazon doesn’t sell that so I am gonna have to fake it I guess

[charlesslut16]

hey girly!!!

i hope you had an amazing day! I would like to request,if ou could maybe write a imagine about liam lawson x his girlfriend,who is a massive daniel ricciardo fan. They are both so happy that liam is racing for the next weeks but you are also sad for daniel and now you are in a weird situation.

Hope you could do it!

PS : I will miss him so dearly but i am so so happy for liam

-you can be both-

summary : you and liam talk about his new F1 seat but you tell him about the sadness in your heart,as you are a hardcore fan of daniel

PAIRINGS : liam lawson x fem!girlfriend (daniel ricciardo)

WARNINGS : none

notes : i hope you will like this and I WILL MISS DANIEL SO SO DEARLY!!! (please send in more requests)

masterlist

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You’re sitting cross-legged on the hotel bed you and Liam Lawson, your boyfriend, shared, your phone resting on your lap, endlessly scrolling through the latest F1 updates. 

Your stomach twists with a mixture of emotions as you read another article about Daniel Ricciardo leaving and Liam stepping in to take his place for the races. It still feels so strange—like you’re caught in two opposite worlds.

Being beyond proud of Liam. The man you love is getting his shot at Formula 1. You’ve been there through the highs and lows, watching him grind through junior formulas, putting in the hours, dreaming of this exact moment. 

He’s worked so hard, and this chance means everything. But at the same time, you’re gutted for Daniel, who you’ve been a fan of for years—long before you met Liam.

The door clicks open, and you glance up to see Liam walking in, fresh from a meeting with the team. His eyes immediately find yours, and there’s a light in them, that familiar spark of excitement, but you can tell he’s a little on edge, too. This is his moment, after all.

“Hey, babe,” he greets you with a soft smile, dropping his bag by the door. His voice is calm, but you know him well enough to sense the nervous energy humming beneath the surface.

“Hey,” you reply, smiling back happily. You want to jump up, throw your arms around him, tell him how proud you are, but the knot in your stomach holds you back.

He sits down beside you, his arm automatically wrapping around your waist as he pulls you closer. His touch is warm, comforting, but the whirlwind of emotions is still there.

“I’m so happy for you,” you blurt out, your words rushing together before you can stop them. “I mean, this is your dream, Liam. You’ve worked for this your whole life, and now it’s finally happening. But…”

Liam’s eyes soften, and he tilts his head to look at you, his thumb tracing lazy circles on your side. “But?”

You sigh, running a hand through your hair. “I don’t know. I guess I feel kind of weird about it all. I’ve been a fan of Daniel for so long, and it just… it sucks that he’s leaving. Not only that, but I was so excited to see him back this season, and now he’s expected to leave, and you’re the one replacing him.” 

Your words feel tangled in your throat, and you hate how conflicted you sound, you didn't like it, you were happy, why did it feel so wrong. “I’m happy for you—so, so happy—but I feel bad for him too, you know?”

Liam’s quiet for a moment, just listening, and it’s one of the things you love most about him. He doesn’t interrupt or rush to reassure you. He just lets you get it all out.

“I get it,” he finally says, his voice soft, understanding. “You’ve always loved Daniel, and honestly? So have I. I’ve looked up to him for years. He’s a legend in the sport, and it’s not fair that he’s out like this. If I weren’t racing, I’d be rooting for him, just like you.”

You exhale, relieved that he understands, but still feeling a little guilty for having these feelings at all. “I know I should just be focusing on you, and I want to. It’s just… I never thought I’d be in this position—where I’m excited for you, but also sad because of what happened to him. It’s like I’m stuck between wanting you to kill it on track and hoping Daniel doesn't leave.”

Liam pulls you closer, his lips brushing your forehead as he lets out a small chuckle. “It’s okay to feel that way. You don’t have to choose between supporting me and being sad for Dan. You can do both.”

You glance up at him, feeling your heart swell with affection. How does he always manage to make everything seem so simple? Because he was the man you fell in love with.

“You think so?” you ask, your voice softer now, the knot in your stomach loosening just a little.

“Of course,” he replies, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I’m not competing against your Daniel fangirl side.” He teases you lightly, making you laugh, which feels like a release. 

“Besides, I think Dan would want me to do well. He knows that I will be a good person to race in his place, even tho no one can ever replace him.”

You nod, feeling a mix of relief and gratitude wash over you. “I guess I’ve just been a little overwhelmed by it all. You deserve this, and I’m so proud of you. I just hate that it’s happening like this.”

“I know,” he says, his voice steady, reassuring. “But this is my chance to show what I can do, and I’m going to give it everything. For me, for you, and for Daniel too. He’d want someone who respects him and the sport to be in the car.”

You smile up at him, feeling the tension in your chest start to ease. He’s right, of course. Daniel would want that, and more than anything, you want Liam to succeed.

“Thanks for understanding,” you murmur, leaning into him.

He wraps his arms around you fully now, holding you tight. “I’ll always understand. And hey,” he pulls back just enough to catch your eye, “when you see Daniel on the grid, you can go right back to fangirling over him.”

You roll your eyes, swatting him playfully. “Don’t get jealous.”

“Jealous? Me? Never,” Liam smirks, but his eyes twinkle with that playful charm that always makes your heart skip a beat. “As long as you’re wearing my team cap and cheering for me.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “I will. But seriously, Liam, I’ll be cheering for you every second. This is your moment.”

He leans in, pressing his forehead to yours. “And I’m lucky to have you here with me.”

At this moment, the confusion, the conflict—it all melts away. There’s only you and Liam, and the road ahead. Whatever happens with Daniel, you know you’ll be there for both of them. But right now, this is Liam’s time to shine, and you wouldn’t miss it for the world.

[enluv]

008: THE CONCERT — THAT’S THE THING!

– genre: written content & smau! (after the first 3 slides stop to read then look at the end slides!)

– wc: 2.1k+!

– warnings: ANGST, mc & soobin talk about their failed relationship, insecurities, (feelings of) not being enough, needing time, being/feeling alone, infidelity, deception, please tell me if I missed something!

“If you keep biting at your lip it’ll bleed Y/N,” Sunwoo reminds you for the fourth time today.

“She’s just nervous about performing for the first time in a while, leave her alone,” Keeho swats at Sunwoo, leading him out the room so you can get dressed.

This concert is the very first one where you’d perform your newest album, all the songs that you’d held so close to your heart finally getting their own time to shine and be heard. However, that wasn’t the reason you were nervous, they knew why but tried their best to not mention it.

The real reason was currently sitting in the VIP section near the stage, fidgeting with his phone and bickering with Beomgyu.

“Babe, if you end this concert and decide you don’t want to talk to him anymore, just know I’ll do everything in my power to help you sneak out, or if you do want to talk to him still I’ll make sure Keeho and Sunwoo don’t ease drop. Either one is up to you, but seriously, we’re all here for you no matter what happens and no matter what you decide.” Yeji sends you a wide smile after finishing the last bit of your hair, she’d insisted on doing it to kick off the tour, ending her small speech.

“Thank you. I honestly appreciate you all for this, I know my past with Soobin is basically what got me here now but I just can’t go on and continue this way if I don’t get closure from him. I need to tell him how I feel and get that ending I deserve because if I don’t, I can’t see myself ever moving on seriously. No matter what he says to me today, I know it’ll bring me closure and I can finally have this weight lifted off my shoulders. I need to do this for me.”

Yeji nods smiling even wider, she’s waited for this for a long time, having known Soobin back when you were all friends, she always had an inkling there was more to his story but stayed true to you as a best friend, she only hopes now that she’s right and he can finally give you the closure you deserve.

“Alright this whole I love you and stuff is cute but they’re calling Y/N up and as her manager I need to walk her over there so I’m breaking this up, sorry Ji say bye to her for now.” Sunwoo’s voice breaks you two apart as he excitedly pulls at your hand, he’s probably the one most excited about tonight.

“Have a good show! I’ll see you up there later for our surprise! Good luck baby!” Yeji sends a kiss your way, quickly sitting herself in the chair to get ready for later.

“You’re gonna do so good kid! Have fun, don’t worry about anyone else! Only you tonight!” This one comes from Keeho who waits outside leaning against the doorframe, his only concern is about the boy you’ll be seeing tonight but he keeps it to himself.

Just before heading on stage, Sunwoo stops, never being one to be so vulnerable around others he takes the opportunity of just you two to turn and talk, “I’m really proud of you, and I know I don’t say that a lot, or like in a serious tone, but I really am proud of you. I know it’s been a mixture of ups and downs for you but it’s all gotten you here, and for those reasons you deserve it all, you deserve to be here performing and making people happy. I know you’re nervous because this is your first big show but trust me you’re going to do so good. No joke, I don’t think I have ever seen anyone more right to do what you do. Good luck and just remember that I am always here for you, if you need me just look to your right, I’ll be there for anything. I love you, go have fun out there.” And at that he pats your shoulder and ushers you on stage.

Soobin’s anxiety increases as he watches you finish off the last song. The crowd is too loud, the stadium’s lights are too bright, and the feeling he’s getting now is starting to settle at the pit of his stomach.

All day he’s rehearsed what he’d say to you once you finally gave him the chance to explain but all that is forgotten now. He’s left with nerves and fidgeting hands as he and the boys walk down the long hallway to get to the backstage area.

The first person he sees is Sunwoo and his heart begins to pound even harder. Soobin used to be good friends with the people you’d surrounded yourself with, having met through you but both Sunwoo and Keeho had taken a liking to him and quickly he’d become like a brother to the two boys. Of course that all changed when he’d broken your heart, and Sunwoo had never gotten past that.

Soobin sense his eyes on him, he knows he’s being watched even as Taehyun and Hueningkai go in to hug Sunwoo, his eyes never leave Soobin.

Before he can even speak up he’s cut off by another one of your friends, Yeji.

“Y/N is waiting in the dressing room, you can head there now. I think the rest of us should go get dinner started somewhere.” A whine falls from Sunwoo’s mouth but Yeji is quick to shut him up. She turns to the group of boys standing next to Soobin and nods her head in the other direction, they get the hint quickly and walk away, leaving Soobin alone.

The door to Y/N’s dressing room is slightly ajar, almost as if it’s already inviting Soobin to walk in, but he still knocks out of respect, mainly though because he’s too scared to open the door himself.

A small, “Come in,” sends his mind back ten steps, is he really ready to do this? Will you actually believe what he has to say? He can’t be sure of the outcome until he tries, so he takes that leap, and opens the door, walking through it straight to you.

As you sit in front of Soobin, his hands begin to pick at the skin around his nailbeds, they turn pink and red staining them as he digs deeper and deeper, you fight the urge to pull his hands away from one another, this is a habit he’s possessed for a long time.

“You did really great up there by the way, just wanted to make sure I told you that,” Soobin speaks first, his words are fast and flustered but sincere.

“Oh, wow thank you. I appreciate that.” You’re surprised to hear your voice sound so small, it’s never like this.

“I’m really nervous right now, do you want to go first or should I?” He’s picking at his nails again.

“You should go first. I think I’d like to hear what you have to say.”

The breath he’s holding in is finally let out and he nods at you, and then slowly he descends into what he told the boys just a few weeks earlier.

“When I told you that night after lowkey was released that I couldn’t give you a real relationship I think I meant it, but not because I wasn’t committed to you, more so because I knew I wanted to be able to provide for you, to be there when you needed me but in all honesty I couldn’t do that. I wasn’t happy with myself yet, I wasn’t taking care and consideration of my own person so I wasn’t confident that I would be able to do that for you. That was my own fault though, you always made me feel like I was enough Y/N but truthfully I could never believe in it because I didn’t believe in myself.”

He lets out a sigh and moves closer to you, placing his hand on your own, he wants you to face him, see him eye to eye.

“I loved you, I think a part of my actually still loves you. I know that night when we fought I lied to you, I told you I was seeing someone else, but that wasn’t true I only ever wanted you, I can prove it if you need me to, and I know I told you I wasn’t ready, that much was true but what I should have also said was that I wanted to grow and be ready for you. I should have told you that if you could just wait a bit longer, I would grow to be ready. I knew asking you to wait was horrible because you’d do it, and I couldn’t do that to you, I couldn’t hold you back. I needed to work and grow, but you’re kind and you loved me and I knew you’d wait. I’m ready now, I know it’s been a long time but I’m ready now, and I’m sorry I put you through so fucking much. You have every right to tell me no and to just leave me right now but I do thank you for giving me the time to explain myself. I love you sincerely.”

The look in his eyes is enough to tell you he’s telling the truth, and a small feeling runs through you at his touch. His fingers rub the back of your hand cautiously, gently soothing you as you prepare to speak up.

“I’ve hated you for a long time. Recently I learned though that it wasn’t hate I felt for you, it was longing. I longed to be part of your life, to be the girl you said you’d been seeing, to be the person you wanted. I longed to have you in my life the I had you in the past. I appreciate you being honest with me, I think after a while I’d accepted a lot of what you’d told me that night and I tried to move on but it always came back to me. We were stuck together like glue, always with one another twenty four seven, so when you said you’d had someone else it hurt so much, because I never saw a time when you could have snuck away and went to see them, and you’re telling me this now and it’s a bit of a relief but also I feel like I’ve wasted years hating a ghost. I’ll need time to heal from that. Insecurities are hard, I’ve been there Soobin, there are nights and days when I feel like my music is the worst thing in the world, where I’m sure no one is listening to it. I know how they can eat you up inside and I know they’re hard to push away, to unlearn them. I’m sorry you had to go through that alone, I wish I’d been able to help you but I understand that talking about insecurities makes them all more real to one so I know it must have been hard. I’m not saying that’s completely an excuse and everything is fixed now between us but I know that I understand you, and I understand why you did some of the things you did. I appreciate you sharing this with me, I’m sure it was hard. Thank you for trusting me. I love you still, I know that may be hard to believe given the songs I’ve written about you and the things I’ve said but it’s true, and I don’t think I can keep the feelings to myself anymore.”

The air surrounding you two feels lighter, it’s not as stuffy as when you’d both first sat down. It’s in a way, soothing.

“I think maybe we should start over, I’m not saying forget anything that happened because that helped us grow and it brought us here today but it’s been a while, we’ve grown, how about we get to know one another again?” Soobin suggestion hangs in the air as he waits for your response.

“I’d like that a lot,” a small smile beams on your face and up at him, “Wanna get dinner with me?”

“I’d love that.”

MASTERLIST / PREVIOUS / NEXT

coco’s ♡ note: this chapter was really sad for me to write because I love ttt soobin, i know i mess with him a LOT but he’s so adorable, he just wants his girl back 😭 anyways I hope you all enjoyed this! as always, feedback & reblogs are always appreciated!

TTT TAGLIST! - @jmin-s @stealanity @iijwon @invuwrld @igotkpoops @telesvng @whippedforbeomgyu @l0ve-joy @envirae @neozon3nha @meiiiwa @kangtaehyunfan029 @chaerybae @ch2won @cinnikoi @wccycc @run2seob @stariszn @haew0nz @neoculturewhat @hyuk4ngel @ddeonubaby @oulspvs @sullystraw @liliyaaaaas-library @rainbowszi - Want to be added? Send an ask or dm to be added to the taglist!

[lavendercffin]

Wally x Fem! Reader

Quick sidenote: this is my first time writing a fanfiction publicly so it might not be the best, I plan on making a wally x reader and a gender neutral reader one eventually.

Alsooo headers are by onethousandayys

Chapter one: By tonight I'll be married

The sky couldnt have been anyone perfect, a mixture of clouds not to much but not to little the world's most perfect morning, it's as if the universe blessed today just for you. You couldn't help but appreciate how amazing everything looked today,it was your wedding day after all!

You thought about everything leading up to this day, leaving the big city, moving into the neighborhood and meeting wally at howdy's place.The first date, the second, the day wally asked you to be is girlfriend and finally, his proposal. lost in your own little world, you didn't even hear Poppy and Julie enter your room.

"Y/N ITS READDYY, IT'S HERE AND READY AND- AAAHHHHHH" Julie on her tippy toes and flapping her arms up and down and about to burst with joy,She was almost as energetic as Sally!

"Y/n dear it's ready, I hope you love it! I don't sew that often dearie." Poppy squeaked out, she slowly revealed a garment bag and slowl-

"WAITTTTT!!" Julie screamed startling both you and poppy. "Sally wanted to be here for the reveal, plus it's still early we would wait for the rest of the bridesmaids to arrive it's still dawn afterall , thought I REALLY wanna see it" Julie torn between the excitement .

You and poppy couldn't help but chuckle, but agreed to wait and decided to hang out before it was time to get ready. "I'll make breakfast! We can have a little breakfast with the others before we need to get ready" Poppy walked off to your kitchen leaving just you and Julie in the room.

"Julie thank you, for everything. I really appreciate it all, this is all just...so unreal to me I can't believe I'm gonna be married by the end of today!!!" You held Julie's hand and smiled, she jumped into your arms with the biggest grin you've ever seen on her face.

"Awww Y/N!! It's no biggie I'm just so happy for you and wally, you two are truly ment for eachother" suddenly the sound of the doorbell alerted everyone in the house of someone's arrival, Julie rushed to the door

"JULIE!!! IS IT DONE?? DID POPPY FINISH IT?!?!" You walked out of your bedroom not needing to ask who it was, the excitement told you everything. "Sally! You ran to fast I couldn't catch up in time!"

You could hear Frank's voice appearing to be slightly raspy as he tried to catch his breath(???) You chuckled and greeted them both inside.

"Breakfast is ready! I hope you all enjoy it well sit down everyone!" The group quickly took their places at the table and talked in excitement of the neighborhoods biggest event since Frank and Eddie's wedding!

You were the last to be seated and once you did you couldn't help but look around the table at your closest friends eating and you couldnt help but look at the amount of support you have around the table and knowing that isnt everyone, the massive amount of love they had for you, wedding. The massive of love they had for you.

You couldn't help but smile.

"Hellloooo?? Y/n?? You're oddly quiet, you should be the most over the moon today!!" Sally stated inbetween chews of her food,

"Ah! Sorry Sally, I am really excited I'm just. I can't believe it it's amazing! Honestly, I couldn't be happier" you smiled at her "but... I am nervous" you added as you fidgeted around in your seat after.

"It's perfectly normally Y/n but don't worry. Wally loves you and you love him, everything will go according to plan. We'll make sure of it" frank looked at how you were fidgeting and put his hand on your shoulder calming your nerves..

"Thanks, and yeah you are right! Okay guys! It's time to get ready"

Julie and Sally squealed as they rushed up from the table and dragged you off to your room to start the transition from normal day puppet to bride! Poppy and frank laughed and got up from the table and followed behind the two and the soon to be Mrs.Darling

"I wonder how the others are doing"

Annndd that's it cuz thats how much I felt like writing rn!! Anyways yeah :3 hopefully u enjoyed cuz I have no idea what I'm doing

[vgckwb]

P5R: Rebel Girl (A FeMC Story/P5R Rework) Chapter 159: Moving Parts

Saturday, Sae got called into the SIU Director’s office. “You wanted to see me sir?”

He held up a file. “You wanted to reopen this case?”

“Yes sir,” Sae said.

“Why?” the director asked. “We already know who's responsible.”

Sae huffed slightly. “With all due respect, I’ve been working on the mental shut-down case for a long time now. I know one when I see it.

“So, you think this Kayo Kobayashi is innocent?” the director asked once again. “Need I remind you, she hasn’t been seen since the incident. Perhaps she disappeared into the shadows and is operating this whole mental shut-down case from a secure location.”

“Sir,” Sae said, shocked. “That…would take an extraordinary amount of time, effort, and money that I don’t think the suspect has.”

“This whole case is filled with extraordinary details, isn’t it?” the director rebutted.

“Hm. You have a point,” Sae relented. “What if I told you that reopening the case might get us closer to The Phantom Thieves?”

“NOW you’re speaking my language,” the director responded. “But do tell me, how does it do that?”

“Kobayashi’s former partner, Ichiko Ohya, has been looking into her case,” Sae explained. “She’s also on the Phantom Thief beat, and has made some predictions that turned out to be accurate.”

“So, you think that by reopening the case officially, you’d get her to open up more?” the director assumed.

“That is correct,” Sae said.

“Very well. I’ll look into it,” the director said. “It might take some time. Remember, the whole country is in disarray.”

“Of course,” Sae said. “I am the last person you need to remind.”

“Good,” the director said. “And remember: don’t count on anything. Even if we do reopen the investigation, we may get the same result; no matter how much this Ohya woman wants to deny it.”

“Right. Of course,” Sae said, dying a little inside. She bowed. “Thank you for your time.” She headed back to her office.

Once she was gone, the director picked up the phone. “Hello…Yes, this is he…Your unruly reporter has still not given up! Worse yet, she seems to have information on The Phantom Thieves she isn’t disclosing!…Tighten the screws on her further. That’s an order!…I’m glad you understand.” He hung up. “Honestly, some people just don’t get it.”

After school, Ren headed down to Dr. Maruki’s office. “Come in!” Maruki said as she knocked on the door. Ren entered. “Ah. Welcome back. What brings you here today?”

Ren paused for a moment. “...Honestly, it’s a mixture of things.”

“Oh. Well then…” Maruki said.

Ren sighed. “Ever since coming to Tokyo, I’ve started feeling better about myself. I’ve opened up. I’ve made friends. I…even got a girlfriend.”

“All great news,” Maruki replied.

“It is…” Ren said. “... but that’s also an issue.”

“Oh?” Maruki wondered.

“I’m sure I don’t need to remind you,” Ren explained, “but I’m only here on parole. And when that’s up, I’ll be asked to go back home.”

“And I’m guessing you don’t want that,” Maruki said. Ren nodded. “I see. Have you told anyone?”

“Not…anyone who could make that decision,” Ren answered. “I’m…nervous…”

“Well, anyone would be nervous,” Maruki replied.

“Right, but I’m always nervous,” Ren said. “I’m nervous about helping people, I’m nervous about meeting new people, I’m nervous about telling people I’m a lesbian, I’m nervous to say what I mean.” She sighed. “I’m nervous every time we go into the metaverse. I’m nervous about what kind of madness we’ll be up against next. 

We are on the precipice of finding out who may be behind the mental shutdown cases, but I’m not excited; I’m scared. Scared about what the answer will be, and what that means for us Thieves…for Japan…for what Eris wants. So why am I the leader of The Phantom Thieves, when I’m always so scared of everything?”

Maruki listened intently. “Hm. Well. That’s a lot.”

“I know the answer must not be easy,” Ren replied.

“Well, in a sense, it is,” Maruki replied. Ren was confused. “Sorry. I don’t mean to downplay your emotions. In fact, I’ve been struggling with similar emotions recently. But the answer is obvious. It’s just…everything after is a little…why don’t I just explain it to you?”

“Al…right?” Ren replied, confused.

Maruki nodded. “Very well. See, the opposite of courage isn’t fear or nervousness. It’s inaction. I know fear can lead to inaction, but everything I know about you suggests you take those actions regardless of how nervous you are.”

“Well…” Ren said, processing everything Maruki was saying.

“I mean, look at me,” Maruki said. “I was trying to create a world that didn’t require action. You just had your dreams come true. I was scared, and instead of taking any action to try and process that fear, I was retreating into it.

You confront your fears. You opened up and told me you were a lesbian. You reach out to me and others when you feel unsure. You fight others as Phantom Thieves time and time again. If that’s not bravery, I don’t know what is.

Of course, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be afraid. In fact, oftentimes courage and fear go together. You don’t want to be so scared that you don’t take action, yet you don’t want to be so foolhardy that you want to endanger yourself. Of course finding that balance isn’t easy, and isn’t with you 100% of the time, but I think you’re braver than you give yourself credit for.

You’re not the leader of The Phantom Thieves because you’re the least scared. You’re the leader because you’re scared where it counts. Or…something to that effect. It is weird saying it like that, but you get it, right?”

Ren smiled. “I…think I do. You know, I feel like I knew that, but a part of me forgot about it. Or…something…”

Maruki chuckled. “That could very well be.” He smiled. “You know, there’s another thing that makes you a good leader of The Phantom Thieves.”

Ren was curious. “What is it?”

“Heh heh,” Maruki chuckled. “You inspire people.” Ren was confused again. “I like to think that I learn from every conversation I have as a therapist, but I learn a lot from you especially. Although this is just my personal experience. But I feel like we grow together. And moreso, from what I’ve seen, you have that effect on people. And people tend to circle around people like that.”

“Well, I can honestly say I’ve never thought of that,” Ren said.

“I guess that’s fair,” Maruki said. “But it’s like the idea of the grass is always greener on the other side. Sometimes, we just need help remembering the better qualities of ourselves.”

“I see… Ren said. “Well, in case you forgot. You are an exceptional listener. You are very knowledgeable on how to help people, and you do so with gusto. You may have made mistakes, but you’re learning and growing as well.”

Maruki was surprised. “Well…I wasn’t exactly fishing for compliments…”

Ren giggled. “I just wanted to say ‘thanks’ for all the times you’ve helped me out.”

“Well, I just do it because I like it,” Maruki said.

“I help people because I like it too,” Ren replied.

Maruki chuckled back. “Well, if that isn’t an understatement…”

Councilor-Takuto Maruki: Rank 7

Ren stood up. “Thanks again,” she said. She grabbed a snack, and headed out.

“...I didn’t even need to remind her this time…” Maruki said.

Meanwhile, in the Vice Principal’s office, Ogata got a phone call. “Hello?”

“Hello,” the SIU director said on the other line.

“Sir!” Ogata replied, tensing up.

“You remember what you contacted us about earlier?” the director said.

“Of course!” Ogata replied. “Have you made progress?”

“There’s been a change of plans,” the director said. “We want you to drop out.”

“WHAT?!” Ogata said shocked. “But sir!”

“I know,” the director said. “However, we have bigger plans for you.”

“...Really?” Ogata replied.

“Yes,” the director said. “Tell me: Why run for Principal for a school, when you could run to become a Diet Member?”

“...You want me to run for the Diet?” Ogata asked.

“Is that a problem?” the director responded.

“Um, well,” Ogata said, “it’s just, the seat I’d run for…isn’t Mr. Okumura running for that seat?”

The director scowled. “Okumura has strayed from the path. Besides, his candidacy is too toxic with the strike and Phantom Thieves. But of course, you won’t let us down, will you?”

“No sir!” Ogata barked. “I am a tool to be used however is seen fit for the upcoming administration.”

The director smirked. “Good. I’ve already set up a meeting with you and him about your candidacy.”

“It is an honor and a privilege,” Ogata said.

“Indeed it is,” the director said. They hung up. He smiled. “Pretty soon, this whole Phantom Thieves business will be no more. And he can become the leader that Japan needs. That the WORLD needs.”

That evening, Ren received an urgent message

Ohya: EMERGENCY!

Ohya: I need as much info as you can produce STAT!

Ren: What’s going on?

Ohya: Just come to Shinjuku.

Ohya: I’ll explain when you get there.

Ren: OK…

Ren was concerned, so she embarked on a train to Shinjuku as fast as possible.

When she entered, she saw Ohya face-down on the counter. Lala noted her entrance. “Well, I’m glad it was you she contacted.”

Ren took her usual seat. “So, what seems to be the issue?”

“Uggggghhhhhhh,” Ohya groaned. She got back up. “My boss was on my ass today.”

“Not…literally I hope,” Rn replied.

“Nah,” Ohya said. “He was just yelling. Although thanks for cheering me up a bit. The idea he’d try to make a play on me is comedy GOLD! Ha ha! But MAN it was a lot.”

“What was he yelling about?” Ren asked.

“Well…he seems to think I know more about The Phantom Thieves than I'm letting on…” Ohya explained. “And he’s demanding more information.”

“Is…that why you called me here?” Ren asked.

“Kind of,” Ohya said. She downed her drink. “But what REALLY set me off is what he said about Kayo. He seems to have been tipped off that I’m still looking into the case, and he just said ‘We don’t defend murderers here’.”

“Yikes,” Ren said.

“UGH! Tell me about it!” Ohya replied, slamming her head back down.

“Well…as much as I’d like to help…” Ren began, “I don’t know how much I can actually tell you…”

“PLEASE!” Ohya said. “Any little thing will help. Favorite colors, blood types, star signs, favorite food, something, ANYTHING!” She sighed. “I just need something to give so I can continue looking into Kayo’s case.”

“AH HA!” a voice boomed. Everyone turned to see Ohya’s boss. “You ARE still looking into Kayo’s case!”

“Ummmmmmmmmmmmm,” Ohya said, stunned.

“Like I said earlier, we don’t defend murders!” Ohya���s boss said.

Ohya slammed her fist. “Kayo is NOT a murderer!”

“You’re too close!” Ohya’s boss fired back. “You can’t see the truth!”

“I see nothing BUT the truth!” Ohya retorted. “And the truth of what I’m seeing is that you’re a pathetic little shit who’d rather turn their backs on everyone just to save their own skin!”

“THAT’S IT OHYA!” her boss shouted. “I’ve kept you on board despite your numerous failings because you get results! But this time, you’ve gone too far! I’m opening an ethics investigation into you!”

“What?!” Ohya responded, indignant.

“Hm. Should be easy getting you kicked out,” Ohya’s boss said. “Once you’re out, you can spend more time with your ‘boyfriend’ over there. Ta ta.” He left.

Ohya again face planted on the counter. This time she screamed as loud as she could, though it was muffled by the counter. “You want another drink?” Lala said. “The next one’s on the house.”

Ohya lifted her head slightly. “Thanks,” she said. Lala went to make her another drink. “Ugh! This bites.”

Ren saw what had just happened. “I could probably get you some information…” she said, slyly. Ohya looked at her confused. “You are familiar with the fact that outside of the bigger names, The Phantom Thieves go after smaller targets, right?”

“Yeah…” Ohya answered.

“Well, I think we just found their next smaller target,” Ren said. “All I need to know is their name…”

“You mean…” Ohya said, surprised. Ren nodded. Ohya turned to Lala. “Lala, what do you think?”

“I know that you and your boss don’t see eye-to-eye,” Lala explained, “and that you can be a little much, but I’ve never seen him like this before. I say what do you have to lose at this point?”

“Well, if Lala’s OK with it, then sure,” Ohya said. “I mean, she is right. Up until…actually, now that I think about it, it was after Kayo’s incident…he wasn’t such a bad guy. He’s got a wife and kids who he cares about a lot. He can be a bit of a hardass, but I know I can be a bit of a gadfly too. But man, after that, he’s been SOOOO aggressive and…honestly, kind of a wuss. At least when it came to big names and stuff.”

“Speaking of names…” Ren said.

“Oh right,” Ohya said. “His name is Shinpei Honjo. I’m just telling you all of that because I know this has to be done, but I want The Phantom Thieves to know there’s more to him than just being an asshole.”

“I’m not sure you have to worry too much,” Lala said. “He didn’t seem too worried about your nuance.”

“Or Kayo’s,” Ren pointed out.

“Right…” Ohya said. “But if we disregard nuance, we’d be no better than him. And there ain’t much worse that I can get.”

“I disagree,” Ren said. Ohya was surprised. “You may be a little, shall we say, unorthodox, but you have a good heart.”

Ohya was stunned. She smiled. “Thanks kid.”

“You know, Kayo saw that too,” Lala said.

“Yeah…” Ohya said, embarrassed.

“I think you just need someone like her,” Lala continued. “And as much as I’ve tried being that person, I haven’t been as successful.”

“Well…it’s different with you and me,” Ohya explained. “We’ve known each other for a long time. That’s not to say you haven’t helped. I mean, without you I’d be a wreck. But…”

“I think I get it,” Ren said. They both looked at her. “Ohya needs more than just one person to bolster her position. I’m…kind of the same way.”

Lala smiled. “You’re drink’s on the house too.”

“Thanks, Ren replied.

“Hey! We’re house buddies!” Ohya said. She raised her glass. “Cheers!” Ren clinked her glass with Ohya’s.

Devil-Ichiko Ohya: Rank 7

Ohya took a sip. “Come what may, I still wanna see you around.”

Ren was confused. “What do you mean?”

“Well, there’s no guarantee that The Phantom Thieves will go after my boss,” Ohya explained. “So if it comes to me losing my job, I still want you to help me. Or even just be there to drink by my side.”

“...I…have a feeling The Phantom Thieves will listen…” Ren said.

“Well, we’ll see,” Ohya said. She took another sip. “I am, however, THIS close to getting drunk, so while I appreciate you being there for me, I don’t think you wanna be there for Typhoon Ohya.”

Ren giggled.”I guess I’ll evacuate before it makes landfall.” She got up. “Seeya!”

“Later kid!” Ohya said. Ren went back to Leblanc for the night.

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n tommy jack and tubbo

requested: yes/no

an: part 4 of the great adventures series

pairing: platonic y/n/tommy/jack/tubbo

warning: cursing

It was the afternoon before your new adventure with your friends. you had no idea what to expect, however everyone else knew even ranboo, and he wasn’t even joining you all. you would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous, especially after hearing some of tommys plans for future uploads. tubbo had been trying to drop hints about what was going to happen. You honestly couldn’t tell if he was excited or nervous, either way you could tell it was going to be a once in a lifetime opportunity and boy were you excited. the sound of knocking pulled you from your thoughts.

“hi y/n! sorry for the unexpected visit, i tried to call you but it wouldn’t go through.”

“oh god sorry, tubbo, my phones on charge upstairs, ive just finished babysitting my friends twitch chat.”

“that’s okay, tommy wanted me to see if you want to stay the night as i can take you with me now. he said something about it saving time tomorrow as jack won’t have to go as far and we can get there earlier, i honestly just think he’s slightly nervous and wants to spend time with someone.”

“i’ve not prepared a bag or anything as i was just planning on grabbing everything i needed in the morning, but i’m down to go with you. i’ll pack a bag real quick, make yourself feel at home. you can stay down here or come upstairs with me.”

tubbo followed you upstairs, and helped you pick which outfits would be the best to wear for the trip. around 10 minutes later you finished packing your bag and turned around to see a very pale tubbo, dropping your bag to the floor you pulled a chair up to your bed sitting opposite him.

“you feeling okay tubs?”

“just nerves, I'll be alright, are you ready to go?”

“ready if you are!”

the journey to tommys was relatively quick, you spent it talking about group plans for when ranboo comes to the uk.

tubbo: almost here!

tommy: yes! want to stream for a bit later, just something small could do laugh and the stream ends. i’ll go talk to my mum now!

•••

tubbo: please open the door

tommy: on it

the pair of you stood at the door waiting for tommy to unlock it

“TUBBO! Y/N I'M GLAD YOU COULD BOTH MAKE IT!”

not too long later, you and tubbo had put everything away and sat with tommy planning out a small stream.

“so i was talking with my parents and we can do an outside stream, and set fire to marshmallows!”

“as much as i love fire tommy i don’t think your parents will appreciate arson in the garden.”

“it’ll be fine now grab a jacket, we need to go walk to the shop.”

the three of you set off determined to get to the shop and back before it got dark, tommy and tubbo walked on either side of you as they want you to feel safe. thankfully the shop was only around the corner so you were all only out for about 20 minutes maximum, you probably could have made it back earlier but you stopped every time you saw a pretty rock.

“y/n come on we still need to stream!”

“did you tweet that you were streaming?”

“no he didn’t.”

“then come and look at this pretty rock!”

tommy and tubbo couldn’t help but laugh at how many rocks you managed to pick up.

•••

“guys i think i’d rather just spend time with you all rather than stream.”

“that’s fine, tommy!!”

the three of you sat around the fire updating one another about plans and opportunitie, coming. the conversation swiftly came to an end when tommy had set fire to a stick claiming it was to make the fire grow. you laughed as you heard his mum yelling at him to stop trying to set you and tubbo on fire.

“sorry about that everyone, but look the fire is big again.”

it got colder as the sun went down, so the three of you sat with a blanket draped over you all. his mum offered to take photos for you and you happily accepted, the pictures looked amazing and you posted it to instagram with the caption ‘i am cold and no one is telling me what’s happening tomorrow.’

it was around 11pm when the three of you agreed it was time to go back inside and sleep.

•••

you and tubbo stayed downstairs and tommy stayed in his room. the sound of tubbos alarm woke the pair of you up.

“turn that fucking thing off!”

“this is the fourth time it’s gone off and you’re still not up?”

“that’s because i’m tired.”

“please get ready jack will be here soon enough.”

realisation finally hit today was the day you were finally about to find out what this once in a lifetime opportunity was. tubbo advised you to wear sensible clothing and not wear the zodiac necklace you always wore, so you decided to wear the hoodie ranboo sent you a week ago and leggings.

“y/n you might wanna tie your hair up.”

“tubbo are you sure you’re feeling okay? you genuinely look ill."

“i’m fine.”

jack: right i’m outside so whenever you’re ready

lani: we’re making our own way later on as the hotel we stayed at is closer

y/n: will someone tell me what we’re doing

ranboo: no

y/n: you’re not even joining us how did you get in the gc

ranboo: magic

y/n: fuck off give me a clue

ranboo: i’ve said it since you dyed your hair neon f/c you’d be able to see from way up in the sky

y/n: what the actual hell is that supposed to mean

•••

soon enough you met up with everyone else and lani started recording.

“we’re skydiving, you ready tubbo?”

“WERE DOING WHAT? HOLY SHIT!”

you honestly couldn’t wait to do this. it was something you had wanted to do for a while, tubbo on the other hand clearly didn’t agree, which was evident through his whining.

you stood with tommy laughing as tubbo sat alone questioning why he agreed to this.

“look at him.”

“he’s is not happy.”

you sat next to jack and tubbo watching the video demonstrating what you will all be doing soon. you let out a nervous laugh, as although you were excited, you couldn’t help but be a bit nervous.

“you could fall into the engine and get chopped up.”

“tommy stop scaring tubbo!”

“what if the parachute doesn’t work?”

“free fall to your death.”

“y/n you’re not helping!”

you stood recording tubbo laying on the floor once again whining.

“tubbo there are so many people behind you!”

“i’m sure the parachute won’t fail tubbo, but if it does it was lovely knowing you!”

“uuuuuuugh!”

“i fully agree bo.”

soon enough you tommy and jack joined tubbo on the floor.

“look at the clouds.”

“we’re going to be in them soon.”

“hell yeah!”

“ughhhh!”

you tried not to laugh trying to calm tubbo down a bit before you all jumped out a plane, which worked until you left him alone with tommy whilst you spoke to jack for a while.

“to be fair that looks quite fun.”

“and dangerous!”

“STOP!”

“well sounds like tubbos thrilled to be here.”

the four of you sat on a bench talking about what’s going to happen, and laughing at tubbos nerves trying to make light of the situation.

“look it’ll be fun, tubbo, provided we don’t die there’s a chance we’ll be in more vlogs.. okay so ignore the black cloud of smoke!”

“that’s not a good omen.”

“shut up!”

you wrapped an arm around tubbo trying to make him feel comfortable and reassure him it’ll be fine, only to be interrupted by jack and tommy bickering about eating before jumping from the plane.

•••

the four of you went to the briefing, at this point you were struggling to contain your excitement, and couldn’t help but laugh out of pure joy.

“no, they are listening, they're just excited.”

after doing training for the jump, you stood with tommy whilst someone questioned him about how he got 9 million subs.

“I just went around being incredibly cool.. doing minecraft.”

you and jack burst out laughing whilst tommy went on to make jokes about how much money he was earning.

•••

it was now almost time to jump out a plane. it was around now nerves were kicking in, so you all went around messing about till you were told it’s time to make your way to get ready.

“let’s go gamers!”

•••

“are you a skydiver enjoyer?”

“i am.”

“well that’s always good... please, don’t let me die!”

“y/n are you scared?”

“no, my ranboo merch will protect me, but if i die can we blame tommy for coming up with this?”

“ranboos not going to believe that you’re wearing the jumper he sent you to jump out a plane.”

a few minutes later you over heard a worker say they’re nervous causing you to tilt your head and blink again, trying to process what was said.

“heh???”

it was now time for the four of you to put the equipment on, so you were ready to jump. jack started talking a lot more than usual at a quicker pace due to the fact he was getting nervous. tommy pointed it out and jack trying to argue he wasn’t made you laugh.

“y/n keeps making a lot of jokes about my parachute being shit.”

“sorry manifold should be fine...more than likely...hopefully. only time will tell really.”

“how you doing buddy?”

“i’m feeling okay. i feel my insides doing inside bits.”

“wonderful!”

you were now all waiting to go as a worker jokes about forgetting something.

“y/n you’re going with him!”

“okay, but why?”

“well you said your ranboo merch will protect you..”

someone went by going rather fast causing you to stare in awe.

“we don’t go that fast, do we?”

“no not unless something goes terribly wrong.”

you all stood there laughing.

“stoppppp!”

“y/n, i’m now thinking you should go with them instead!”

“are you trying to kill me off jack?”

•••

you all set off towards the plane, a mixture of excitement and nerves began kicking in.

“tubbos on a lead.”

“oh i’m really nervous jack.”

“look at y/n!”

lani began to record you, who was now way ahead of the others, so you stopped and waved at lani.

“BYE LANI! HOPEFULLY ILL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!”

the others caught up and everyone had their equipment checked again.

“oh dear.. should be fine.”

“i’m alright, don’t worry my ranboo merch will protect us!” you got on first and that when you realised they set you up, so you jumped last as you were more confident and tubbo was jumping first so he could get it out the way.

you all sat on the plane and waved at the camera.

“hi there!”

“hello!”

“hi!”

“please don’t let us die!”

“we’re really jumping out a plane with a dream stan.”

“this is the highest we’ve ever been.”

“gamers in a plane whatever will they do...hopefully not die!”

“Y/N!”

“sorry tubbo!”

you were currently at 2,000 feet and sat looking out the window waiting to reach 14,000 feet. jack turned to you and tommy, “i can’t believe you’re jumping out the plane in philza merch and y/ns jumping out in ranboo merch.”

“if i die at least ill look great doing it.”

12,000 feet later it was now tubbos turn to jump, he looked back at you all.

“YOU GOT THIS TUBBO!!”

you watched as tubbo went.

“GOOD LUCK TOMMY!”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN GOOD LUCK? Y/N?”

“BYEEEEE!”

you laughed as tommy went.

“see you later jack!”

you gave jack a high-five and watched as he went.

“holy shit they actually did it!”

“are you ready, y/n?”

“hell yeah, let’s do this!”

you laughed as you jumped, you couldn’t believe you actually got to jump out of a plane, you waved at camera.

lani met the others as they landed and began telling them about it.

“wait where’s y/n?”

“there they are!”

“Y/N!”

the others ran up to you as you landed.

“i’m glad you didn’t die!”

“thanks jack!”

•••

“would you all do it again?”

“yeah.”

“no.”

“maybe, i’m not sure.”

“i reckon so.”

not too long later, you were all given certificates to celebrate the fact you had jumped out a plane.

“yay it made nearly dying worth it!”

“you’re so dramatic!”

•••

you thought the day was over and that you were going home, little did you know that wasn’t the case.

“were not done for the day.”

“what?”

“heh?”

“you’re tilting your head again.”

“i know it’s because i’m confused!”

“anyway, what do you mean we’re not done?”

“you know george, he’s arrived!”

“gogy!”

“GOGY!”

“can i have a nap in the car please? i’m so exhausted."

taglist:

@l0ver0fj0y

[katsuflossy]

BeatBox/Junebugg Challenge

Pairings: Shouto Todoroki x reader, Kastuki Bakugou x reader, Izuku Midoriya x reader, Eijirou Kirishima x reader, Hanta Sero x reader, Denki Kaminari x reader, Hitoshi Shinsou x reader, Tenya Iida x reader.

TW: just the regular obscenities

A/n: IK y’all may not know this trend but it’s funny af so this is the beatbox/junebugg challenge (sound by SpotemGottem) and yeah I hope y’all like my lil hc of the s/o doing it with the boys 💖💖

Taglist: @eharmonythotbot @lilsparkyswife @teddybearrx @angiebug101 @sesshomaruwaifu @blackweebtrash @minajkatsuki @cyans-bliss @myhoodacademia @mypimpademia @melanimed @peach-child @zombie-kun @xx-opaqued-xx @sunshineszn @prettybitch-ki @tsukkisukkii

🧊 He has the most aesthetically pleasing tiktok

🧊 There’s slime videos, drawing videos with lofi music in the back, your basic encouraging quotes

🧊 Who needs therapy when you got Shouto’s fyp? /j

🧊 He may be a lil...offbeat in your dance videos but he still tries. Thankfully this was an easy one to learn.

🧊 He out here thinking he got it until you buck at him.

🧊 You think he finna take that shit? He’s gonna buck TF back, on reflex, and scare the fuck out of you.

🧊 Immediately goes into protective boyfriend mode after seeing you flinch hard. You should expect a tight hug; he’s rubbing your back while the whole clip rolling.

🧊 “Love, I’m sorry but why did you move to hit me? I didn’t mean to scare you I’m sorry.”

🧊 “Baby, It’s okay that was the challenge.”

🧊 “Yes, but you looked so scared and it was my fault,” he wraps his arms tighter around you so you’re snuggled safely into his chest.

🧊 Post it with captions of what he said during the video and see all the comments talm bout “⚠️‼️WARNING‼️HAPPY COUPLE⚠️”

💥 It’s known Bakugou knows no fucking challenge on that app.

💥 Except for that buss it challenge. He’s keeping tabs on yo ass.

💥 His fyp is comprised of prisontok (thank mtha for this), mortalkombat edits, and recommendations for shoujo mangas DC comics.

💥 He already knows the drill, you teach him the dance, he does it with no care, you post it.

💥 This one is fairly easy… until you attempt to press him

💥 He runs up on you, chest puffed up, arms tense and hanging straight. That intimidation stance.

💥 “What you tryna do? We can tussle right now wassup.” Now you gotta deal with him pressing you as you finish the dance.

💥 When he realizes you’re laughing, he just sucks his teeth before lightly pushing you.

💥 “Why am I even dating you?”

💥 The biggest tsundere simp on the earth.

💥 He loves you so much but you always test him.

🥦 Umm All Might edits runs his fyp.

🥦 The occasional analytic reports on recent and past villain attacks are there too.

🥦 Only gets a smidge of alt tiktok so it ain’t that boring.

🥦 Doesn’t know the dance either but he’ll do it just for you <3

🥦 Never expects you to fucking buck at him tho.

🥦 Mans flinch mad hard omg.

🥦 He removes his hands from his face when he hears you laugh and continue the dance.

🥦 Now he stopped, looking at you with the saddest puppy eyes.

🥦 “Why did you flinch at me baby?” He’s just standing in the frame all pouty and shit.

🥦 “Prince(ss), please don’t do that again. You honestly scared me.” He walks off in the middle of the video, his fluffy duck house slippers squeaking with every step.

🥦 Go say you’re sorry right now 🧍🏽‍♀️

⛑ Crimson Riot edits duhh

⛑ But it’s a mixture of Bakugou’s and Todoroki’s with a sprinkle of popular dances down his stream.

⛑ Has Ski Mask edits as well

⛑ Still, he doesn’t know the dance at all

⛑ Baby boy is so sweet cause the second you buck at him...he just plants one straight on your lips thinking you went in for a kiss.

⛑ Shocked, bamboozled, frozen, he really kissed you as you tried to buck him?

⛑ Mans continued the dance like you’re not wide-mouthed behind him.

⛑ “Bro, I know you did not just kiss me when I tried to buck you.” The whole badman vibes just dissipate from the air, he smiling at you like it was cool.

⛑ “Babe,” he whined. “I thought you just wanted a smooch.”

⛑ Seeing you mad, he just grabs you up and launches more kisses on your face.

⛑ You tried to look hard for the video only for him to soften you up quickly.

⛑ At least you got cuddles after.

🩹 His tiktok is filled with funny ass videos

🩹 They always come up on his fyp before going famous. Hence why his comments be having 30k likes (they funny as well)

🩹 Has the best cooking tutorials in his favorites that he makes to impress you.

🩹 Already knows the dance so you don’t need to teach him.

🩹 Y’all both tried to press each other with giant smiles on your faces before starting a round of play fighting.

🩹 “Can’t fuck with you no mo.” He turns to you before continuing the dance.

🩹 Alternating lyrics and shii...being the baddest couple to step in the game.

🩹 He wraps his arms around you before throwing peace signs to the camera at the end.

🩹 The coolest boyfriend award goes to this king.

⚡️ How...how is he in every part of tiktok

⚡️ Straightok, alt tiktok, beantok, frogtok. You describe to him the video and he either knows it or he can find it in seconds.

⚡️ If Pandora’s Box opened and escaped into somebody’s account, it would most likely be Denki’s.

⚡️ He did the challenge with Bakugou before but it ended in flames...but he won’t decline to do it wit you

⚡️ Why y’all buck each other and ended up hitting your foreheads?

⚡️ Spent the rest of the video rubbing your forehead while Denki laughing.

⚡️ “Why tf your shit so hard? Built like damn cement” you glared at him as he laughed even harder.

⚡️ “I shock my own brain everyday. I think my skull hardened as a result”

⚡️ The next day, you’re seen walking around with your forehead on swole.

⚡️ On the bright side, you get forehead kisses every 5 minutes.

🔮 There ain’t no Eraserhead edits so he makes them himself.

🔮 All his fyp got some led light show going on. Every. Fucking. Video.

🔮 But they’re all good vibes, great music, and nice ass comment section

🔮 Occasional gaming videos come up because he follows some twitch streamers on there

🔮 Doesn’t know the beatbox/junebugg challenge. You woke him out of bed to do it.

🔮 You’re vibing in the video before you buck at him.

🔮 He didn’t budge. He stopped doing the dance altogether to stand up and just glare you down.

🔮 He out here in his cow print moo moo pants and you do this shit to him?

🔮 Now you’re nervous, flickering your eyes to him as you continued the video dancing.

🔮 The minute the sound ends he stalks off back to bed. Using all the sheets to cover him.

🔮 Have fun sleeping in the cold. Just kidding, he can’t sleep without cuddling you but just remember he is mad.

👓 ...you think he knows tiktok?

👓 Thought it was slang for the actual clock app.

👓 Got it to see what the hype was about but doesn’t even bother to make an actual account.

👓 It’s really just the generic shit on there.

👓 So he’s excited to do a dance with you even though he only knows the tinman.

👓 Umm...failed to do the actual dance. It gives 60-year-old white man on a tropical cruise.

👓 And then you buck at him.

👓 All movements stop. He justs staring at you, his glasses hiding his actual eyes.

👓 The air around you feels real cold. Your premonition telling you to electric slide out of the room but nah, you continue to dance. The man, who tried to commit murder at the age of 16, just staring at you stoned face.

👓 The second he opened his mouth, you DIPPED out of the room, leaving your phone running and Iida just standing confused.

👓 Turns out, he wasn’t trying to end your bloodline, he was just confused if that was a dance step he missed.

[j-j-ehlby-writes]

Almost (c.e.)

Pairing: Chris Evans x reader

Word Count: ~5.9k

Summary: You and Chris were set up on a blind date by your mutual friends. Sparks flew, but you never heard from him again. Two years later, you come face-to-face with him once more for their friends wedding.

Warnings: Some angst, swearing, not much else

A/N: This is a mixture of the movie “Life as We Know It” (mmm Daddy Josh Duhamel 🤤), a dating experience I had, and one scene from One Tree Hill. Enjoy.

My Masterlist

                    Two years ago…

My heart is pounding all the way to my ears. My hands are shaking under the table. My knee bounces uncontrollably as I wait.

I knew this was a bad idea. Why did I let her convince me to do this?

“You haven’t had a boyfriend for as long as I’ve known you.” My best friend so pointedly mentioned when we were out to lunch last week.

 “What’s wrong with that?” I counter.

“I’ve known you for three and a half years.” She deadpans. Even without looking at her, I know she has her eyebrow raised at me and her lips are pursed.

“Your point?” I know she thinks my serious lack of companionship these past few years is wearing on me, but it’s been quite the opposite. Not being attached is freeing. I can do what I want when I want; I don’t have anyone to answer to. If I want to sleep until 3 on a Saturday, I’m going to do it. If I don’t want to socialize with anyone, I won’t. If I want to take a spontaneous road trip, I’m going to do it. My life is my own and that’s how I like it.

“I want my best friend to have someone to experience life with.”

My shoulders dropped, sighing in defeat. There was no way I was getting out of this conversation.

“I want you to be as happy as I am.” I see the love in her eyes as her mind goes to her boyfriend and their new relationship. They’ve only been together for a few months, but I know that this is it for her. She’s a smitten kitten and he is equally as infatuated with her. They’re sickeningly cute. “Which is why I think you need to meet one of his friends-”

“Lemme stop you right there,” I interrupt her, “I hate blind dates.”

“You’ve never been on one.”

“And there’s a reason for that.” She rolled her eyes at me. “They’re cliché, they’re awkward for both parties, and they never amount to anything, thus being a total waste of time.”

She sighed, “Ever the skeptic.”

“And don’t you forget it.”

“Regardless,” she continues, “I think you’ll really like this guy. He’s already expressed interest in you.”

Like that makes everything better. “Great so now I have to live up to his impossible expectations of me when I know absolutely nothing about him.” As if the idea of a blind date wasn’t bad enough, now it’s only a semi-blind date. There’s no doubt in my mind that she has hyped me up impossibly high, that’s what a best friend is for. However, when your confidence level is next to none and already skeptical of the pending meeting, there’s no way he’ll like who I am in reality.

“I can tell you anything you want to know about him.” She is bargaining with me. She really wants me to meet this guy. She wouldn’t be trying this hard if she didn’t believe we would hit it off.

“Well is he nice?” This was the only real question I had. If he isn’t kind then there’s really no future.

“Incredibly!” She continues to tell me of the many things he has done for a charity he started a few years ago and slowly but surely she was starting to convince me. If he was that generous then he has to have a good heart and therefore is a good man.

How bad could it be?

I check my phone, glancing at the time. Great, he’s late. That can’t be a good start.

Numerous reasons why popped into my head.

Reason one: he saw me and bolted.

Reason two: he got into an accident on the way here and he could be in the hospital.

Reason three: he changed his mind and decided to stand me up.

More and more played through my head as I sipped my drink. 

By the time I was on my second drink, I was convinced he wasn’t showing up. I knew this was a ridiculous idea. I knew I shouldn’t have done this. I never should have listened to her.

I chugged the rest of my drink followed by some water before standing up to leave some cash. I was slightly humiliated for actually thinking this would be any different than all of my expectations.

My shoulder rammed into another as I turned to leave.

“Oh my, God, I’m so sorry!” A hand steadied me, gently grabbing the shoulder he ran into. “Are you okay?”

“My already small ego is a little bruised, but I think I’ll live.” I looked up to meet my assaulter’s eyes and immediately I froze.

Holy shit, it’s Chris Evans.

His piercing blue eyes were staring right at me, his concern was directed towards me. In all of his charming, ray of sunshine, bearded glory, he was here.

“I’m so sorry that I’m late. Traffic was insane over the bridge. I would have called but I don’t have your number.” He half-smirked but not in a cocky way. I’d seen him do it in interviews before. He could have come up with a lame excuse, but somehow I knew he was telling the truth.

“No, it’s okay. I understand completely.”

He sighed in relief, his gorgeous and perfect smile taking over his features. He looked down at the table and it disappeared. “Were you leaving?”

“Uh,” I stammered, “I was because I thought I was being stood up.”

“I feel awful. Please let me make it up to you. Let’s sit down, have a nice dinner, and get to know each other.”

I hesitate, now even more nervous than I was before.

As if sensing my hesitation, he decided to sweeten the pot a bit to persuade me, “We can even get dessert.”

I chuckle at his attempt. That’ll do it though. I sit back down with him following suit, finally starting our date.

We talked about everything. Anything and everything. No topic was off limits. Hours went by but it felt like minutes. We didn’t even know how long we’d been there until our waiter came to tell us that the restaurant was closed. We left and walked around the city until the night sky was giving way to the morning. He accompanied me back to my car, gave me the best hug I’ve ever received and a kiss on the cheek, promising we’ll get together again soon, and opening and closing my car door for me. I drove away with the biggest smile on my face and literal butterflies in my stomach. That was the best date I’d ever been on.

When I made it back to my apartment with the early morning rays peeking through my shades, I had a text message waiting for me from him. Just a simple good night, he had had an amazing time, and he couldn’t wait to see me again.

I fell asleep, hopeful. Hopeful that I would see him again, that this could maybe go somewhere. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but it was hard not to. I hadn’t felt this way in an exceptionally long time. I haven’t been on this good of a date in equally as long. I can’t wait to see him again…

                      Present day...

I finally pull into the parking lot after an hour stuck in traffic. My 12-hour day at work today has taken a lot out of me. I’m exhausted, mentally and physically. Thankfully though, my 2-week-long vacation starts tomorrow. After that, I have fourteen days of no working, no getting up at the ass crack of dawn to be able to drive in miserable traffic, no dealing with difficult or boring co-workers. Just fourteen days of rest and relaxation, after the wedding of course.

My best friend and her fiancé are getting married on Saturday. I’ve watched them go through all of their highs and lows throughout the last few years and when he came to me telling me he planned on proposing, I couldn’t have been happier for them. He even asked me to secretly photograph the moment for her. She was more than surprised about everything.

Now their wedding is here and everyone couldn’t be more excited to celebrate them.

Tomorrow is their rehearsal dinner. The wedding party and their plus ones are all invited.

I walk into my apartment, immediately relieving myself from the confines of my shoes. A heavenly scent registers to me and I’m carried all the way to the kitchen. I see my sexy boyfriend standing at the stove with his back towards me.

“Hey babe,” he calls without turning around.

I hum, happily making my way towards him. I wrap my arms around his waist, placing a kiss on his back. “What is that unbelievable smell?”

He chuckles, vibrating through his chest. “Your favorite, of course.”

I hum again, “You spoil me, baby.”

He chuckles again, turning in my arms. His handsome face finally came into view. His gorgeous brown eyes look into mine as I get lost in his. For the past year, I’ve been the happiest I’ve been in a while. Since the day I met him, it was like everything fell into place. He’s sweet, ambitious, funny, kindhearted, passionate, and just overall the best man I had ever met. He makes me so happy…

Oh who am I kidding? He’s perfect. He is everything I ever wanted. If I made a list of all of the qualities I wanted in a husband, he would check off every single box.

But the feelings I have had for him over the last year are nothing compared to what I had in one night for him. I find myself wishing his eyes were bright blue instead of dark brown. I wish his arms were around me instead of the ones around me right now. The butterflies from that night have stayed dormant ever since.

I don’t know what happened after that night. I honestly thought we had a good time that night. Conversations flowed seamlessly. We made each other laugh so hard we had tears running down our faces. The physical connection was there- at first he had his arm around my shoulders as we walked around town, but as time went on he slowly moved lower around my waist, eventually intertwining our hands together until we arrived back at our cars. He even said that he wanted to see me again.

But I never heard from him again after that one text message. No call, no text, not even a message from my friend’s boyfriend. Nothing. I was disappointed beyond belief. I didn’t think he was that guy: the type to ditch someone without any explanation or goodbye. I thought I understood him to be a gentleman. Everything I had read about him pointed to him being one of the purest humans in the world. This was the opposite of all of that.

From that day on, I’ve loathed him. He gave me the perfect evening and then cut me off cold turkey from anything further. I have a three strike rule. His first: he was late. His second: he tricked me into liking him. His third: he lied to me. Three strikes and he’s out.

I have tried not to look back since. It’s not without its difficulties though since he’s literally everywhere. On magazine covers, in commercials, movie trailers, streaming services- he’s there. Why did he have to be such a successful actor? If he weren’t, it would make for forgetting him that much easier.

No closure. No answers. Nothing.

The rehearsal dinner went smoothly the next night which hopefully was foreshadowing for the big day itself. 

A majority of us were standing around about to start when the doors loudly being opened drew everyone’s attention away from our milling about. A man stood in the middle of the doorway then strode in like he owned the place. The closer he got, the more the details of his face came into focus.

No. Freaking. Way.

I look toward my best friend. She looked like she wasn’t shocked he was late, but she knew he was coming. I creep up behind her and clear my throat. Instantly she cringed.

“Did you forget to tell me something?” I whisper to her.

She sends me an apologetic smile, “Well, I actually put off telling you ‘cause I didn’t know how you would react and then I meant to tell you last night but with the whole ‘I’m getting married in two days’ buzz took over and now the rehearsal is here-”

“Just please tell me I’m not walking in with him.” I beg.

She chuckles nervously before she escaped to go greet him with her fiancé.

I turn to her sister who is also one of my closest friends. “Did you know he was going to be a groomsman?”

The guilt written in her face tells me everything I need to know. “She made me promise not to tell you.”

I groan, “The loyalty level around here is staggeringly low.”

I head over to where my boyfriend is standing and take comfort in his arms before I have to deal with the man who broke my heart.

“Are you okay?” He asks a little confused by my actions.

I nod, “Just tired from last night.” He chuckles at the mention of the night before, squeezing me into his chest.

“Alright everyone! Time to get started.” The wedding coordinator beckons us all to the back entrance of the barn standing next to our corresponding wedding party member. I stand right in front of the Maid of Honor and Best Man. I kept my eyes forward focusing on anything but the guy who took his place next to me.

“It’s good to see you,” He murmurs to me over the instructions of the coordinator.

I scoff and roll my eyes. He has the nerve to say that to me after two years of silence. I imagined a million times what it would be like to see him again. I’d imagined a lot of screaming with possible hitting. Or I thought about the ever-effective, old fashioned silent treatment. He doesn’t deserve to know that our one night out together effected me so much and I’ve carried a rather large torch for him ever since. At the very moment, it will be the latter, but there’s no telling what tonight and tomorrow will bring.

“Now ladies, rest- don’t grab- your hand near the crook of his arm. Men, keep your arm at that angle with an open hand resting on your stomach- no fist. And don’t forget to smile- this is a happy day!” As quickly as he showed up, the coordinator was on to the bride and her father before either of us could register he was there.

I begrudgingly did as I was instructed, “resting” my hand on his bare forearm, holding a stand-in bouquet for the occasion in my other hand.

“Are you not going to talk to me?” He speaks again but I ignore him once more.

Thankfully that was when it was our turn to walk down the aisle. For the rest of the rehearsal, he didn’t get a chance to say anything else. As soon as we were done, I go straight for my boyfriend. I figured there’s no way he would approach me if I were with another man.

We all head to the restaurant afterwards to celebrate the last night before our friends begin their lives together as husband and wife. I keep my distance from Chris, always sticking close with my boyfriend.

The one moment I was alone was when I went to the bathroom. I thought for the few minutes I wouldn’t be in danger.

However I was wrong.

As soon as I step out an arm shot out in front of me. A very pale muscular arm.

“Are you seriously going to ignore me for the next two days?”

I duck under his arm fully planning on continuing what I set out to do.

“Y/N,” he grabs my arm, “will you please talk to me? What did I do to make you so mad at me?”

I whip around hopefully sending daggers his way. “Are you serious right now?”

“She finally speaks!” He exclaims.

“Because I cannot believe what I’m hearing. Like, I don’t think I heard you right.” All of the feelings I’ve been burying for two years were making their way up to the surface and I don’t think I can stop them. “We had a fantastic night. It was literally the best night of my life, it was the most comfortable with a guy that I had ever been. You made me laugh, you gave me butterflies, you helped me feel for the first time in years.” I try to swallow down the lump that was forming in my throat. “You told me you wanted to see me again. You made me excited for the future for once in my life… and then you took it away.”

With every second that passed, his expression got closer and closer to utter defeat: his shoulders slumped, his grip on my arm loosened, his jaw slowly unclenched, his eyebrows furrowed.

“You were late,” I hold up one finger, “You tricked me,” two fingers,” “You lied to me.” Three fingers were up and in front of his face for emphasis. “Three strikes and you’re out.”

I back away from him, having nothing more I wanted to say. As soon as I turned the corner, I felt liberated… for about five seconds. When that passed, devastation hit. For the last two years, I’ve held out hope- I tried not to- but I did, that maybe someday something could happen between us. That maybe, just maybe, we could pick up where we left off that night.

Now that the moment of confrontation has come and gone, I feel all the hope fade away. All of those possibilities I pictured have left the building. Being with him is no longer an option. I have my boyfriend who makes me happy, who gives me everything I could possibly want.

The rest of the night went on without another incident. Chris kept his distance. However, I could feel his eyes on me for every second that passed as we sat at the table. It was a relief when we finally left and could retreat back to our hotel rooms for the night. The bride and I got to stay in a suite that we’ll all be getting ready in in the morning. They wanted to uphold the “not seeing each other the night before the wedding,” even though they’ve lived with each other for a year and a half now.

On the wedding day, everything went according to plan. Everyone was on time to hair and make-up, pictures went flawlessly, the weather cooperated with everything, Chris didn’t attempt to talk to me at all- it was a perfect day to watch two people who love each other commit to the other for the rest of their lives.

But then came the reception. That’s when I knew apparently all bets would be off. The ceremony was over. Niceties would wear off as more and more alcohol is consumed. I was not looking forward to it.

We make our ridiculous entrances and take our seats at the head table. We eat then speeches were made. Lots of laughs were had as the Best Man dished on stories he had with the groom growing up, a few tears were shed at her sister’s after recounting the moment the bride knew he was the man of her dreams- overall I’d say they were a success.

Again, I felt his eyes on me, burning holes in the side of my head from the other side of the groom for the entire dining portion of the evening. I kept myself from glancing in his direction, instead focusing on the conversations with the bride’s sister next to me and my boyfriend who is across the way- anything not to meet his eyes.

Finally the DJ announces it was time for all to convene on the dancefloor after the specialty dances. I immediately see my boyfriend start to stand, knowing he’d been ready for this all night. I’d been looking forward to dancing with him all night as well, I even removed my shoes in anticipation. As I stand up, a hand is held out in front of me. I knew whose hand it was. I remember staring at it as he would rub his lips on our date. The strength of it as it intertwined with mine as we walked down the streets of our town, the safeness I felt as he squeezed it if he detected I was getting anxious around a group of people and I needed the reassurance. I knew that hand well, unfortunately.

“Dance with me?” He nearly whispers in my ear. I didn’t realize he was that close until I could feel said whisper on my neck. I contain the shiver that runs down my spine at how husky his voice is. God I’ve missed that…

No! I will not be enchanted by him again. He does not deserve me.

I exhale the breath I was holding, it comes out a lot harsher than I expected. “No, thank you.” I turn away from him, but his hand gently grabs my arm stopping me from going any further.

He whispers again, “He’s not good enough for you,” before walking away.

I’m frozen in place. I glare at his retreating back as he makes his way over to the bar. My mouth hangs open in disbelief. How dare he… How fucking dare he assume anything about me or my relationship. He doesn’t know anything about what our relationship is like. My boyfriend treats me so well, spoils me even though I know I don’t deserve it. He listens to me, he cares about me, and he makes me laugh until I cry- he’s everything I’ve wanted in a man. Chris is the one who had his chance and subsequently blew it. He has no right to judge or even comment on my relationship when he knows absolutely nothing about it.

I hurriedly make my way to my awaiting boyfriend and pull him onto the crowded dancefloor. “You okay?” He asks me, “Did he say something to upset you?”

“Nothing worth repeating.” All I wanted to do was forget about him and his irrelevant feelings towards my relationship…

…Except I couldn’t. His words rattled me. Does he see something I don’t? He told me on our date that he’s an excellent judge of character so he wouldn’t say something like that unless he got a bad feeling, right? Either that or he said it just to get under my skin and force me to talk to him. No matter the reason I hate him for it because my pride won’t let it stand.

I spot him leaning against the bar, staring directly at the two of us over the rim of his glass. His perfect eyebrow quirks up at the eye contact, that sets my blood to boiling. He thinks he’s so smug. I wish I could just slap that stupid hidden smirk right off his perfect face…

Following a few dances, I mutter something about him going to dance with the bride to my boyfriend before exiting the dancefloor. I rush out of the barn, away from the crowd needing some air from his suffocating gaze. I find a little lit area that’s perfect for pictures. There are rectangular hay bales set together as a makeshift U-shaped bench with some low watt bulbs strung up above between two poles. It would be serene if I weren’t already on edge.

After taking a few deep breaths, I finally feel like I can speak without yelling. “You had no right.”

I didn’t have to turn around to know he followed me out here. It’s exactly what I wanted him to do, just like it was his intention to get under my skin. As much as I wished to avoid this conversation it seems that we can’t go on without it. We may tear each other apart in the process, but this is my chance for closure. This is my only opportunity to get the answers I’ve been needing to move on for the past two years. Two years of wondering what went wrong after the most perfect date I’ve ever been on with an equally perfect man has been eating at my heart and mind. I hated always wondering “what if” or “what would I be doing right now if I were with him” especially when I started dating my boyfriend. I had no answers as to why those questions could not be. I thought with time I’d stop asking them, thinking I’d never see the man again. He’s a big movie star, why would he wonder about a woman he went on one date with?

As I expected, his deep baritone voice comes behind me, but his words do little to ease my nerves. In fact they set them off even more so than before. “I’m sorry.”

I scoff at his half-hearted apology, knowing he doesn’t mean it at all. “Oh bite me, Christopher.” I turn around to face him. God he looks even better out here. The subtle gold glow from the lights are complimenting his skin tone, they make his baby blues shine which just frustrates me more.

“Please, Y/N,-” He takes a step closer to me, but I won’t have that. 

“No,” I take a step back keeping the needed distance between us for fear I may strangle him. “I don’t want to hear any of your bullshit excuses. You had no right to pass judgment on a relationship that you know absolutely nothing about.”

He slips his hands into the pockets of his dress pants. “Oh, I’ve seen enough.”

“Really?” I jut my hip out, resting my hand on it. “In the two days you’ve been here, you think you’ve got us all figured out?”

“Yes,” he answers with conviction. 

My shaking hands clench into fists, trying my damnedest not to lose control. I entangle them into my hair as best as I can without ruining the work the hairstylist did this morning before running them down my face. He has some nerve. 

“We had one night. One night! One nearly perfect night together and suddenly that makes you an expert on what is good for me?”

“I wouldn’t say ‘an expert’-”

“I wouldn’t say anything!” I interrupt, “I never heard from you again. Now after two years, you come in here acting like you know anything about me or my relationship? Who do you think you are?”

“A man who made a mistake!” He snaps.

There was a long pause. I never expected to hear that from him. All these years I wanted to think the worst of him for leaving me hanging like that. He got my hopes up, thinking we may have a future together only for them to come crashing back down to Earth when he never contacted me again. I wondered and wondered if maybe I read the signals wrong. Maybe I took his flirting as more than it was. Maybe the small gestures like his arm around my shoulders, on the small of my back, or the hand holding were only him being friendly. I wracked my brain going over every single detail of the night to try and pinpoint a reason for him not to have called me afterwards. I found nothing, which was equally as frustrating.

“Alright, I made a mistake.” He moves to sit on one of the hay bales. He rests his elbows on his knees and buries his head in his hands, letting out a huge sigh. “God I wanted everything with you.”

Once again, I’m frozen by his words. He what? But that doesn’t make sense. His words and his actions don’t line up- how could that be?

He removes his hands from his face, staring at the grass. “After that night, I wanted it all. I wanted to settle down, get the house with a white picket fence in the suburbs, carry you through the threshold after our wedding day, bring our children home from the hospital, watch them grow until we’re old and gray. I wanted everything.”

My heart aches. All of that was exactly what I wanted, especially with him. I could feel the tears building behind my eyes, my heart breaking mourning the loss of what we could have had by now if he had only said something.

I also find my anger growing as well. If he felt all of that, why did he not contact me again? Why did he give me hope that our night out together could have been the start of something good and then taken it away just as quickly?

“But?” There had to be a “but” coming after his statement. Clearly something stopped him from pursuing the possibility of “us,” destroying any future we could have had.

He sighs, “but…” he finally looks up at me with more emotion in his eyes than I was expecting. There was contemplation, confusion, honesty, agony…

I look away. In an instant I knew what he was about to say. It makes complete sense. He was at the height of his career, shooting movie after movie all around the world for a majority of the year. How would he have had time to have a relationship mixed in with that? He couldn’t.

“Your career was more important,” I interject, “I get it. I do.” I couldn’t fault him for choosing work over someone he just met, no matter how much he claims to have liked me right off the bat. He was going to be busy. We probably wouldn’t have had a lot of time to see each other. It’s not like I could give up my career to follow him. Besides even if I could have, he wouldn’t want that. He said so himself. He wanted someone who was independent; who could do their own thing and not be enveloped in his crazy life.

He stands up and steps closer to me, “no, that wasn’t it. I promise you that wasn’t it.”

There’s that word. Promise. He promised we’d see each other again soon after our night together. But he broke that.

“Then what was it?” My voice cracks at the end. I can feel my reserves slipping the more he speaks. I didn’t realize how much I missed his voice until now. I haven’t seen any of the movies he’s been in the last few years. I have him and his hashtag blocked on all social media platforms so I don’t see anything of his on any of my timelines. My other friends think I don’t like him (only my best friend and her now husband know about our date). To hear it again brings back all of the good memories we made together in that short night and all of the emotions I’ve been holding back since. “I have been wracking my brain for years wondering what went wrong after that.”

“I got scared,” he finally admits the truth. “I got scared of how much I liked you and how much I wanted to protect you.”

“From what?”

“From me,” he casts his gaze down at his hands as he fidgets with them, “and my life. I didn’t want to subject you to the chaos that is my life. I know what my fans would do to you if we were in a relationship, I was trying to protect you from all of the ugly that being with me comes with.”

So that’s what he was afraid of? He was afraid our relationship would inevitably end exactly like his last one? His “fans” were horrible to her. They sent death threats to her and her family members, always commenting negatively on her social media pages all because she was dating him. I remember reading about it right after it happened. I knew that side of his fandom was toxic. But did I care? No. Did I think I couldn’t handle it? I honestly don’t know, but would I have been willing to deal with it for him? Yes. I would have given up anything to be with him. That’s precisely why he did what he did. He didn’t want me giving anything up for him because he knows I’d be giving up any semblance of privacy I had if I were in a public relationship with him.

If I had known these were the reasons why he ghosted me, I would have been broken hearted but I would have understood. Hell, I probably would have fallen more in love with him if I knew that, not fallen in loathe.

He continues, “I thought that if I never contacted you again, you could move on”- he clears his throat-“and find someone better than me who could give you the normal life you deserve. Which as much as I wish I couldn’t, I see that you have…” he pauses as if deciding whether he should keep speaking. When I don’t stop him, he does, “But I can’t help feeling like that could have been me.”

My slightly shaky hands cover his fidgeting ones. His hand moves until he’s intertwining our fingers together, palms touching. They fit perfectly together as if they were each other’s missing puzzle piece. His thumbs stroke mine sending warmth down my arms all the way down to my toes. The sparks I felt back then return with full force. He leans down, pressing his forehead against mine. My heart is beating out of my chest, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t feel it in some way.

I feel my heart break in my chest. My lip quivers and the tears threaten to make themselves known. My only saving grace is the fact that he can’t see my face. I may lose it completely if he did.

His breath is coming out equally as shaky between us, he squeezes my hands as if he doesn’t want me to let go. Believe me, I don’t want to. I bring one of our interlocked hands up to my lips. I kiss the back of his hand because I can’t kiss him where I want to. I pull back just enough to see his beautiful baby blues that could have any woman in the world swoon. They were terribly bloodshot right now but that only made them more tragically breathtaking. I tear one of my hands out of his and bring it to his cheek. He leans into it, a tear drops into the crevices between the contact.

The barely above whisper that came out was all I could muster without having a total breakdown because he’s right. It could have been him. We could have been something great. We could have built a life together. We could have had it all. And it broke my heart into a million pieces knowing all of this could have been avoided if life had handed both of us different lives.

“It almost was.”

~*~

Taglist: @the-marvel-wars​ @elusive-beauty​ @drakesfiance @im-a-slut-for-an-accent​ @fantasy-is-my-reality​ @princess-evans-addict​

[buckyownsmylife]

daddy issues - chapter xiv

The one where Ransom doesn’t feel ready to become a father, but he should have thought about it before sleeping with a complete stranger.

When Ransom’s latest one night stand lets him know that he’s going to become a father, he finds himself looking for the qualities he never believed to have so he can become the parent he never got to witness as a child.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.

A/N for this chapter: this chapter’s coming to you unedited because I am honestly emotionally exhausted and the only reason I even got this done is because “playing” with these two makes me happy. So yeah, I’m officially stretching the story a bit more (next chapter is the one I’ve been referring to for a while) and after it we’ll be pretty close to the end!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

Ransom had been a weird mixture of nervous and excited ever since he picked me up from work after visiting his grandfather. I knew they had a good relationship - from what I gathered, it was the only truly peaceful relationship he kept with his entire family - so I didn’t understand what the anxiety was about until he admitted, almost blurting out, “He asked me to visit the publishing house with him tomorrow.”

It was impossible to contain my smile. “That’s great, honey! He really does trust you, huh?” But Ransom didn’t even nod, just kept looking at me with eyes filled with a heavy emotion I couldn’t name, so I tried to occupy myself with other stuff.

“What time are you leaving? Do you want me to book a car to take me to university or will you still be able to give you a ride?” When he didn’t immediately answer me, I raised my gaze from the pile of essays in my hands to check on him, and the moment our eyes met, he seemed to snap out of whatever it was that was keeping him immobilized.

“No, I should be able to take you. Don’t worry about it.” I wasn’t worried, but I knew Ransom enough by now to be aware that he wouldn’t relent, not wanting me to go to my workplace without him, so I just smiled.

“Okay, babe.” The petname escaped my lips so easily, I froze when my own ears processed it, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Out of the corner of my eye, I could still see Ransom’s frame paralyzed where I had left him, so I just focused on my work and pretended like nothing different had happened.

“I should be up in a minute.” I tried to act as nonchalant as possible. I didn’t look at him again, but I saw him nod from my peripheral vision before turning around and leaving towards the staircase, allowing me to breathe deeply again. What the hell was going on with me?

Ransom’s P.O.V.

She never came to bed when she did decide to call it a night. Well, she did stop by my bedroom, but chose to remain by the threshold until I caught sight of her figure, and when our eyes met, she smiled and wished me a good night.

I sighed when I realized that I was going to have to sleep alone. I didn’t like that, I didn’t want it. But there was nothing I could really do about it. She wasn’t my girlfriend, she was just the mother of my baby. At least to her own eyes.

Having her so close and then seeing her pull away was tearing at my heart, which is why when I got up in the morning to find her in the kitchen, breakfast already made while a packet waited next to my plate, I felt like I would physically melt.

“What is this?” I asked, already reaching out for it. I opened and checked to find a few sandwiches - homemade - before she could confirm what my eyes were seeing, but I was still struggling to process.

“I-I fixed you a lunch bag. I don’t know how long it’s going to be with your grandpa, didn’t want you to starve.” I just stared at her, unblinking, while this warm feeling spread over my chest, even turning me on.

Because I understood what this was. I understood what she meant by this. This was her, recognizing she had taken two steps back yesterday, and compensating with a gesture that moved us even closer to where I hoped to take us.

My heartbeat picked up at the realization that she did want something more. She did, she just needed time to adjust. And I could give her that - I could keep giving her that, just as long as we kept moving forward.

“It’s okay if you don’t want it.” I’d taken too long to answer, she had approached me quickly to snatch the bag from my grasp. “It’s stupid anyway.” I stopped her, both hands on her waist before she could fully turn around.

“No, give me it!” I know it sounded whiney, but I didn’t want to risk being without my lunch bag. Once it was in the safety of my hands, I put it to the side for just enough time to cradle her face and force her to take in what I had to say. “Don’t you ever say anything you did for me is stupid. I’m not used to having people do things for me because they thing I’d like or need them. This means everything to me.”

The soft smile she gave me, the way her eyes looked up at me from under her eyelashes had me feeling like I was on a rollercoaster and the fall had just begun. I suppose, in many ways, it already had.

The little gesture didn’t leave my mind the entire day. I caught myself smiling at nothing, becoming easily distracted while Harlan tried to explain something about the presses to me, but every time I ran a hand over my face and apologized, he just gave me a knowing smile.

I didn’t even feel embarrassed about it. I was almost proud, really. I had spent an entire life having to pay for what I needed - and I did it, unashamedly so. And now there was this incredible woman who wanted to take care of me. I could barely believe it.

I couldn’t believe that this woman that I didn’t even know a few months ago was now everything I thought of, everything I wanted in life.

Everything was going well, too well. I should have known it was only a matter of time until something ruined it.

I first noticed it because Harlan’s face suddenly fell when he raised his gaze to meet mine, instead settling on something over my shoulder. When I turned around, I quickly understood why.

It was my mom, and by the way she marched in our direction, she clearly wasn’t here to do anything cheerful.

“Was I supposed to know about you having a baby through my own father?” I cringed, even visibly flinched at the knowledge that she now knew about my kid. “Have you no respect for your mother?”

My snicker said everything she needed to know, and when she raised a finger to shake it on my face, it took Harlan to control us both. “Okay, alright, that’s it. This is still my place of work, an extension of my house, I won’t have you two disrespecting it’s sanctity.”

I huffed, adjusting my coat as I turned my back on her to focus on my grandfather again. He was the reason why I was there, and the only reason why I didn’t just leave upon seeing my mother.

“Now, Linda, if Ransom didn’t tell you about something this important in his life, there must be a reason for it. What do you think it is?” My mother turned her face from her own father, seeming particularly interested on her own high heel shoes now. We both knew she wouldn’t relent, so with a sigh, Harlan met my eyes, silently asking me to be the bigger person here - I knew.

“How about this, I’ve been meaning to have you all for dinner for a while, it’s been a long time since the family gathered for anything other than a holiday. Is Friday good for both of you? You can bring the girl, if you want.” That last part was directed to me specifically, making my eyes widen. I could only imagine what she would say if I suggested a family dinner with my entire family, especially considering everything I had told her about them - and why I wasn’t excited to tell them about the baby in the slightest.

“I’ll see, but she might be busy.” My mother snickered, making me narrow my eyes at her, thinking about a very important reassurance I needed to get before I even considering attending that dinner. “If I do end up bringing her, I don’t want to see any of you all treating her as anything less than a princess, is that understood?”

Of course, Harlan knew I was speaking more to my mother than to him, and that I expected the message to be extended to the rest of the family before Friday rolled around, but seeing as my mother was still brushing her already perfectly clean skirt, he was the one to answer.

“Of course, Ransom. We’re all excited to meet her, she’s a welcome guest in my house.” The warning was there for the both of us. And even though it was my mother that would need to keep that in mind, I already knew I was the one who would end up leaving the only place outside my house where I felt safe because as long as she was there, there was no way I’d feel okay.

[firebird-inkheart]

Intention vs. Interpretation

pairing: the idea of us (pre-relationship, Bats and Ellen edition, ft. additional characters) word count: 3496 a/n: there are many benefits to being plagued by silly little thoughts

+++++

“If you stare any more intently I am going to assume you’ve been possessed by a dog and ask if you desire a treat.” Deanna peered at her over the edge of the magazine, one thin eyebrow slowly rising. “Or perhaps you are in need of a walk?”

“Oh you’re hilarious.” Ellen angled herself marginally away from her coworker and slumped in her chair. “Now I’ve been possessed by a dead fish. Feel better?”

Deanna’s nose wrinkled. “Fish stink bad enough when they’re alive. If you’re a dead fish I’ll need to call the janitor to come remove you before you irreparably contaminate my workspace.”

“Really feelin’ the love here De.”

“Feel it more quietly then. And stop staring while you’re at it.” With an air of finality she disappeared behind the magazine again.

Groaning, Ellen shrank even lower in her seat. With a pitiful little push she began a lazy revolution. It was a slow day. There hadn’t been many errands to run, the phone calls to take had barely trickled in, there was no extravagant event to prepare for. The only excitement she had to cling on to was this week’s installment of the company’s creative works magazine. To say that she was eager for her friend to finish reading was an understatement.

Deanna sighed and set the magazine on her lap. “Let me guess: Your only experience with being published was a couple short stories or poems in a high school magazine.”

She stopped spinning and righted herself. 

The corners of Deanna’s eyes crinkled, her mouth twitching with the beginnings of a modest smile. “It’s a different ball of nerves, being published in something so uncontrollably public, isn’t it?”

And just like that, the tension, the restless energy, it flowed out of her. It never failed to amaze her just how good Deanna was at disarming others. Cool, collected, measured― Deanna Sterling was an immovable object. Often such stern resoluteness led people to think she was just a frigid bitch, and there were times when that was actually true, but it was only one facet of her. When people weren’t busy being intimidated by her steel spine, they’d find she could be pleasantly understanding and, above all, kind.

Ellen lightly shook out her hand. “Honestly I’m still in shock my submission was accepted on the first try. That doesn’t feel like something that should just happen, you know?”

“Mm, yes, our publishers can get ridiculously anal about what goes into the magazine,” Deanna agreed, nonchalant. “But I believe you’ve potentially brought something striking and fresh that those vultures couldn’t resist. From what I’ve read so far I have to say, you are very....”

The phone rang. They both flinched, though only Ellen had something colorful to say about it, uttering a long string of swears under her breath. Deanna leaned over and examined the blinking light, noting that it was a direct line from the office. Before she picked up the phone, she glanced back, flashing a small but prominently sharper smile, and finished saying:

“Bold.”

A strange mixture of feelings rose with that statement and she couldn’t pin down how it really made her feel. Bold? How good was bold? Was it something to be nervous about? Proud of? Was it an accomplishment or an expectation to forever be held by? The restlessness returned and her hand curled loosely, moving back and forth in an attempt to shake it off. 

“Yes sir, I’ll send her in.”

The phone met the receiver with a heavy click and Deanna smoothly swung back around. Without any preamble, she said, “Mr. Nagel would like to see you.”

Something unpleasant pitted itself in her stomach, turning all other, more uncertain feelings into a single, solid, dense mass. The only outward expression she allowed to note her discomfort was a slight frown.

“Did he say what for?”

Deanna shrugged and waved her off. She picked up the magazine and purposefully covered her face. 

“Just knock and let yourself in.”

Her eyes narrowed. Turning on her heel, she grumbled, “Feelin’ the love De. Feelin’. The. Love.”

Her and Deanna’s station was not far from the big boss’s office, only perhaps a two minute walk if she really dragged her feet. Too soon she was staring down the big, polished wood doors. Sighing, she knocked quietly before letting herself in.

“You wanted to see me, Mr. Nagel?”

Ellen kept her back to the door as she pushed it shut, fingers hovering over the cool metal of the handle. She ignored the urge to latch onto it, to be primed to yank the door open and flee back to her colleague’s side and return to the lighthearted pestering and banter.

It wasn’t that Mr. Nagel was menace, but as he was her boss, discomfort was a thing that came naturally while being in his presence. And given how.... Well behaved... he had been last time, to put it perfunctorily, Ellen wasn’t keen on another conversation with him any time soon. 

Mr. Nagel lowered a magazine― the magazine ―he had been reading, laying it out on the deep mahogany face of his desk. The glossy pages reflected the light, black border contrasting against the white body while small, italicized text marked it; a scripted tattoo. Mr. Nagel tapped on a corner of the page. His face was stoic, reserved. So it was the business side of him she was dealing with, then.

“Congratulations on your first submission being a success.” He leaned back in his luxury chair, only a faint twitch of his mouth indicating that he actually meant what he said. “And before you say anything, no, I did nothing to make that happen. I meant what I said before about the work determining the reward on its own.”

She nodded slowly. Was that all? No, it couldn’t be. Why would he call her here just to congratulate her? That could have been an email.

Steepling his fingers beneath his chin, Mr. Nagel looked at her expectantly. “Tell me about the subject of your story. The muse to your inspiration.”

Her mind was spinning, just a little. “My muse?” 

“Yes. You didn’t call your subject by name, but it was clear who you spoke of all the same. I want to know: Why the Batman?” he elucidated.

“Oh. Oh, um, well.” Perhaps it was just her, but the room was starting to feel a little too warm. She rubbed at a spot behind her ear. “Batman is... He’s doing something no one asked him to. He goes out into those streets each night to fight crime in ways that the cops can’t and often won’t. People say he’s fighting a losing battle, or that he’s just another lawless menace out to make things worse; he scares everyone.

“And I’ve seen the menace everyone spoke of; his violence and anger scared me. But I’ve also seen the careful way he held a child, how human it was for him to be uncertain when presented with a fragile little life. He’s so awkward in his concern that it makes him stiff and unapproachable but it’s there. It’s there.”

She paused to catch her breath, to acclimate herself to the euphoric rush in her veins that always appeared the more passionate she became. It was definitely getting warmer now.

Throughout the course of her rambling Mr. Nagel had righted himself to lean over his desk once again, a curious expression overcoming the usual impassiveness. His chin rested on top of crossed fingers, the corners of his mouth occasionally twitching, eyes slightly narrowed as he assessed every little detail. She tried to not let it get to her.

“Batman, he― He is trying to help. He’s just... struggling to define what that actually means to him.” Ellen let out a slow breath and gestured limply at nothing. “And in the meantime he continues to go back out, doing thankless work. I just...”

Mr. Nagel nodded, as if everything she said had brought a blurry image into startling clarity. He glanced down at the magazine, skimming over the page, then nodded again.

“I had found it intriguing and peculiar all at once that you would submit something like this, and now I believe I understand why.” He looked up, rather satisfied with whatever he had deduced. “Love letters are crafts of yearning and unrivaled passion, delicate and deep works that confess the heart’s desires. That you would write one to the masked vigilante is brave and compelling.”

Ellen opened her mouth intent on thanking him for the praise, only to stop short as everything he said fully registered.

“Pardon?”

A love letter? He thought her work was a love letter? To Batman? 

True confusion flitted across his face as he watched her edge towards combusting. A small frown appeared. “It is a love letter, is it not?”

“No!” she practically gasped. “No, it’s― I wrote a letter of gratitude! I wanted to thank him! Batman’s out there, trying to do something right in this messed up place, and no one acknowledges it. He saved my neck once, so I was just.... I was just trying to pay it forward, let him know someone’s in his corner and― and―”

It was her. It was definitely her that was getting warmer, not the room. She was practically boiling at this point, so utterly flustered by the implication― no, the assumption! ―that she had feelings for Batman! Her! Having feelings for―!

She was beginning to feel alarmingly faint.

“I see,” Mr. Nagel said, quite calm. “There was something rather romantic about your prose that I simply assumed that was the intent, forgive me.”

“It― It’s fine.” The words barely managed to find their way out without sounding too strangled. 

It was absolutely surreal to see her boss at a loss. For a moment they merely eyed each other, gauging the situation and how awkward cutting it off would be if they disengaged at that exact moment. And then he bit the bullet.

“Congratulations, again, on your successful submission.” He flipped the magazine closed. “You may go now.”

Without needing to be told twice, and barely remembering to mumble a thanks, Ellen fled the room. She beelined it for her desk, not a hint of grace following her clumsy self as she collapsed into her chair, buried her face in her hands, and groaned.

Deanna said nothing, never one to pry into office affairs, especially ones that concerned the boss. She allowed Ellen to have a moment for her― pity? embarrassment? agony? ―party, before moving on as usual. 

“I finished reading your little, ah, letter.”

Oh. Oh no.

Nervously, she lowered her hands to stare at her coworker. The grin on Deanna’s face was terrifying.

“So your type is tall, dark, and dangerous huh?”

“No!” The denial was too quick and Deanna looked insufferably smug. Ellen wished she could melt out of existence. “I did not write about my feelings for-for Batman! I mean, I did write about some feelings and yes they regarded him, but they were feelings of gratitude! A thank you! I wrote a thank you!”

Foot, meet mouth. Every word was just a little more depth added to the hole she had apparently dug for herself. 

Deanna didn’t appear entirely convinced, though the level of teasing in her tone dialed down significantly as she conceded, “I did catch a lot of thankfulness in the undertones, but your prose was so emphatic that I couldn’t help but interpret it as romantic.”

Damn herself and her stupid need to write such flourished and drawn out prose.

“It wasn’t meant to be,” she protested weakly.

Deanna nodded understandingly. “I know, I know. But you’re going to have to start rolling with the punches on this, because I’m sure I won’t be the only one interpreting your words that way.”

Terrific.

Turning the seat towards the desk, Ellen slumped over. Her forehead hit the cool wood surface with a resigned thunk, followed by a pitiable moan.

Another moment of companionable silence followed as Deanna returned to her work. The soft clack of typing bridged the gap between them. A pleasing little sound that had always been relaxing to her, Ellen started to loosen up some.

A pause, and she glanced at her friend from the corner of her eye. There was a subtle smile pulling at Deanna’s red lips. She snickered. An alarm went off in the back of her mind.

“I never pegged you as one for being into leather.”

“Stop!”

+++++

Bruce stared at the the magazine Alfred had placed before him. Creative Works: Amorevolous, Edition #63. Produced by Nagel Industries. The company Ellen worked for.

He looked up at Alfred, a little confused, a little curious.

“Consume something other than the latest murder mystery for once,” the older man answered rather blithely. “I believe pages 23 and 24 might strike your interest.”

The older man chuckled to himself and promptly wandered off. Bruce squinted at his butler’s receding figure before turning his attention to the magazine once more. Casually, he flipped it open and began skimming the table of contents. What could possibly be so interesting about pages 23 and 24?

For the Guarding Shadow, E. Ritchie....... 23, 24

(He wasn’t sure what stole his breath. The initial anxiety of being acknowledged in any capacity? To be alluded to as his other self? Or was it simply because it was her?)

Swallowing past the strange new lump in his throat, he carefully turned to page 23.

For the guarding shadow who prowls the realm of deep night. For the beating heart concealed beneath the mask. For the fighter, for the brave. 

For you I write.

Dedicate.

Believe.

For you, for you, for you I hope you see.

(And he was lost to the pull of those words.)

+++++

Several hours later the Batman stood on a familiar fire escape, kept to the shadows, away from the warm light peeking from a half curtained window. He had debated (agonized) the merits of coming here, whether it was a good idea or not. Part of him was tied in reluctance, afraid of what might change if he saw her now. (Part of him struggled to break free of that reluctance, to see her in the way she somehow had seen him.)

She sat at her small collapsible table, laptop awake, new word document open and ready. And blank. It had been that way for the last ten or so minutes. Ellen hadn’t moved much either, merely staring at the screen. Was she writing in her head instead? Or were her thoughts preoccupied by something else? (Someone else?)

The lump in his throat had come and gone throughout the day and now it had returned with a vengeance. He swallowed past it, feeling horrendously uncertain as he reached out and lightly tapped on the window.

Ellen jumped. She always did. And when she turned around she looked positively frazzled. In an instant she was on her feet and at the window, pulling it open. Warm air flowed out of the apartment, temporarily easing the biting chill outside.

“Hey,” she murmured, breathless. For brief moment she swayed, head bowing with another winded exhale. (The lightheadedness would pass quickly, as it always did. As she would always tell him. Even so he reached out a hand to steady her― Only to quickly withdraw as she righted herself.)

“You should really give yourself a moment after standing up,” he quietly admonished.

She made a noncommittal sound and slid out onto the fire escape. “So everyone keeps telling me, but I just move without really thinking about it half the time. If it hits bad then I’ll be regretting my decisions after I pick myself off the ground, same as always.”

He frowned. Surely that wasn’t a healthy way to handle things. Not that he had much room to judge given how much Alfred had to nag him to do something as basic as eating.

Ellen leaned against the opposing railing, arms folded snugly across her chest, ankles crossed over one another. She bit her lower lip and ducked her head just enough that she wasn’t looking directly at him. “Pretty sure I already know why you’re here, but uh, what brings you here?”

No more beating around the bush then. 

(The anxiety was an endless ebb and flow welling up within him, but he needed to draw this hard line in the sand.)

“Your letter.”

(That enthralling letter.)

A sharp intake, tension stiffening her shoulders― With one hand she reached up to rub at her eyes before shifting the motion behind her ear. She looked like she wanted to run. (Like she was preparing to take a hit.)

“In hindsight I think I fucked up,” she mumbled, effectively cutting him off before he could do the same to her. He waited quietly for her to continue. 

“I love writing exaggerated prose. It’s what I was known for in high school, what I hope I’ll be known for in this big wide world. Making people feel to think, and think to feel―There’s nothing more satisfying.”

(And she was succeeding, even now. He had done nothing but ruminate on those words since he had read them. Again and again and again. Each time like a hand plunging in his chest, to grasp his heart with foreign heaviness, to make him think even more. Again and again and again.)

“But after today I just―,” she shook her head, “I got so much crap from all my coworkers because they took it to mean that I was― that I was in l-lo―”

Her head turned more towards the shadows but not before he caught sight of bright red splotching her face. She cleared her throat.

“And then it hit me earlier that for all the trouble that letter was causing me, it’s bound to cause you even more. You’re a guy that’s wrapped up in danger, you can’t be bothering yourself with stuff like this when you’ve got a city to look after.”

“So why did you write it then?”

(Why did she make him feel?)

Ellen finally looked at him. “I wrote the letter because you inspired me. And in turn I hoped I could do the same for you.”

He froze. “I... inspired you?”

Had there ever been a time in his life when someone had told him that? He couldn’t recall; not as Bruce Wayne, an heir of tragedy, and definitely not as Batman, menace of the night. 

(It felt... nice.)

A tiny smile appeared on her face. “Yeah, you did.”

“I was under the impression that you weren’t fond of how I operated.” He folded his arms and leaned a little further into the shadows.

“I may have plenty of opinions on your methods, but that doesn’t mean I dislike your intentions.” There was a pause while she debated with herself what to say next. And then, suddenly quiet again, she added, “Or you.”

(And that felt good, too. Really good. The realization startled him.)

“Ellen―” Her name fell so easily off his tongue and all at once he was at a loss for what to say. 

She pushed off the railing and moved a step closer. Softness caressed the timbre of her voice. “You chose a path that gets very lonely; you’re a fighter, you’re brave, but you’re also just one man. You inspired me to write because I wanted to inspire hope in you. To tell you that your work is not nearly as thankless as it may seem.”

For a moment he only dared to breathe. Ever since the night his world had fallen apart he had felt like a failure. Useless. Growing up he had become a bitter, solitary creature constantly at odds with himself; always so angry with what little he could and couldn’t do. And when he donned the mask he had told himself it did not matter if every person were against him, as long as they were afraid he would manage. 

It was exhausting.

(‘For the beating heart concealed behind the mask.’ a traitorous thought whispered to him. And his heart was beating no matter how hard he tried to deny it.)

And he was moving. Away. Away from the warmth, from the light. Away from her and the words which spoke so easily to things he had long since thought died within him. (He could blame it on the city. That he had work to do and no more time to spare. But the truth was much more simple, and simply put, he was scared.)

He hesitated before the drop. 

“Thank you.”

And then he was descending, returning to the night. He paused once his feet hit the ground, daring himself to look up, to look back. Ellen still lingered on the fire escape.

The Batman looked away. As he stalked back into dark’s gaping maw something small took root in his beating heart.

(Something... amorevolous.)

+++++ +++++

a/n:

Amorevolous: affectionate; loving

[you-can-call-me-wanda]

Never Again

Pairing: Johnny Rotten x Reader

A/N: Let’s be honest, Johnny would definitely hate going on dates

“Johnny! I’m home!”

You kicked off your shoes and set down your bag as you stepped into your flat and looked around for your boyfriend. You couldn’t see him in the small space though which was rather odd. He was normally around when you got home from work, either watching the telly the in the living room or laying down in your shared bedroom for a rest.

Perhaps he’s out running an errand or getting a pint with his mates, you thought to yourself, not thinking much of his lack of presence. Johnny was more than capable of taking care of himself. You had no reason to worry. As you walked into the kitchen though, you were surprised to find a piece of paper with your name written on it in Johnny’s messy scrawl.

You picked it up curiously and turned it around in your hands. More of Johnny’s chicken-scratch handwriting was on the back of the paper which you squinted at in order to read.

Dear (Y/N),

Tonight, I am taking you on a date. Meet me at 546 on West Avenue at seven o clock. Dress nicely. Love you.

Johnny

You almost had to laugh at the blunt nature of the note. It was completely typical of Johnny to sound so demanding and straight-forward even when he was trying to be romantic and invite you out on a date. In fact, this was actually the first time you think of that he was actually asking you out. Sure, you were a couple and all, but the two of you never went out.

It wasn’t that he was bad boyfriend or anything of the like, he just sometimes struggled with the more idealized and romantic parts some people looked for in relationships. You had never had a problem with that before of course. You loved Johnny for who he was and took no offense to his unenthusiasm with wanting to go out dancing or to a nice dinner. If he preferred to stay home and hang out at your apartment, that was fine with you. It was more important who you were with as opposed to what you were doing.

It was cute to see that he was trying though, putting away his disdain for dates and inviting you out on one. There had been times when you had said it would be nice to go and see a movie or go for a walk in the park just the two of you. Maybe he had gotten the hint. You smiled to yourself, excited. You and Johnny, despite having been dating for seven months now, had never actually been on a real date before.

You checked the time. It was nearing five now which left you with about two hours to get ready for your date with Johnny. Heading off to your bedroom, you already started thinking about what you could possibly wear for tonight.

****

Considering you didn’t know where Johnny was taking you, you ended up keeping your outfit somewhat casual for the night. You didn’t want to be stuck in any uncomfortable shoes and clothes anyways. Not to mention, you were pretty certain that Johnny would not be wearing a suit. There was no way he would do that.

You met him exactly where he asked you to right at seven. He was stood outside the door of a little shop, smoking a cigarette and gazing down at his shoes.

“Johnny!” you called excitedly, running up to him.

He lifted his head and grinned as you approached him.

“Hey babe,” he said once you had reached him. “Wow, you look amazing.”

You gazed down shyly at your outfit and blushed.

“Thanks,” you said. “So do you.”

Just like you had suspected, Johnny was not wearing a suit or anything fancy, but he clearly had made an effort to look nice tonight. None of his clothes were torn and frayed like usual. He wore a simple button-up shirt and tight pants with a leather jacket. He still looked like himself, but more refined in a way.

“Do you want to head in?” he asked, stubbing out his cigarette on the sidewalk with his shoe.

He pointed to the building behind him with his thumb, a cute little pizzeria.

“I’d love to,” you said. “I’m honestly so excited for tonight.”

Johnny held out his arm for you to take ahold of and led you to the entrance of the restaurant, holding the door open for you and allowing you enter first like a true gentleman. After, you were seated at a table quickly and Johnny pulled back your chair for you before sitting in his own. It was clear he had done his homework in chivalry.

“This is nice,” you said as the two of you looked over the menu.

Johnny had been a bit quiet which was unusual for him. He was normally quite brash and outspoken.

“I’m a little nervous,” he admitted, looking a bit sheepish. “I’ve never done this.”

“What? Been on a date before?” you asked.

He nodded.

“You don’t have to be worried about it,” you laughed. “It’s already perfect.”

Johnny smirked.

“Why’s that?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“Because it’s with you.”

“We’ll see if you’re still saying that at the end of the night,” he joked to which you rolled your eyes.

“So, why’d you change your mind anyways?” you asked, switching the subject. “Why did you ask me out tonight all of a sudden?”

“Did you really think I didn’t pick up on all the hints you were dropping?” Johnny laughed. “Sid reckoned if I didn’t take you out, you might end up leaving me for a guy that would.”

“You know I’d never do that,” you said, kicking his shin lightly under the table. “And since when do you take advice from Sid of all people?”

“Eh, he was right anyways,” he said. “Besides, this ain’t so bad. I was thinking after we eat, we could hit up that pottery place downtown- the one where you get to paint the pieces and they fire it for you?”

You stared at him in awe. For someone who had never taken you out on a date before, that sure was a cute idea.

“Johnny, that sounds lovely.”

“Cool,” he said nodding before returning to look over the menu again.

You continued to stare at your boyfriend for a bit, a mixture of love and admiration in your eyes. Johnny looked up to catch you staring.

“Don’t get used to this (Y/N),” he said with a laugh. “I am never getting dressed up like this again.”

You groaned.

“Seriously?” you laughed. “You suck!”

[abbysfrenchbraid]

Daring - Chapter 2

This is part two of my Abby Mordern!Au, you can read Chapter 1 here.

Masterlist

Abby and the reader have dinner at Abby's place. There is music playing and referenced, so I'd recommend you listen to this playlist with all the songs playing in order as soon as the date night begins. About 10k words.

CW for alcohol consumption, mention of death/murder, mention of dubious consent (and possibly terrible grammar. It's 10pm, I just finished this, I don't have a proofreader atm)

Thyme and Tree Bark

“Don’t mess this up, airhead. Take care!”

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, idiot!”

You closed the door behind Mark as he vanished down the stairs and headed straight for your bed. Though you were less wobbly on your feet after devouring half of a perfectly cheesy pizza with just the right amount of jalapenos, it had thrown you straight into a food coma. Your angel of a brother had come over at noon with two chilled cans of coke and a large pizza from your favorite Italian place and not even ripped open the curtains as he usually did. Instead, he had thrown himself on the bed right next to you, handed you a slice, and demanded you start talking.

Of course, he already knew about Abby and your embarrassing shyness when it came to the buff blonde, so he was extremely proud of the progress you had made with your excruciating crush. You both agreed that Abby had definitely invited you over for a date this week - alone, without Manny there - and that it had to mean she was interested, too. He had laughed about the little bar stint when Abby had shut down your flirt with the hot waitress in an instant and was now 100% sure this was going to go great. As long as you kept it together and didn’t ruin everything. As you often did. This needed some tactical planning.

Mouths full of cheesy delight and laughing at each other’s stupid ideas, you and your brother had come up with a fairly foolproof plan. You would text Abby in 1-2 days, keeping it cool and asking when you should come over. Then, you would suggest making cocktails at home, already granting a fun activity and something to loosen the mood. You would keep it casual and bring over some nice liquor and maybe a bag of chips, perfect for watching a movie. You’d try to keep the conversation casual and try to speak mostly about Abby, asking lots of questions so you didn’t get tangled up in speaking about yourself. If you steered the conversation toward movies, you could watch something exciting and maybe even scary together so you could cuddle up on the couch together. And well, if you got that far, things would probably fall into place naturally. Foolproof. Y/N-proof.

You groaned as you reached over to grab your phone from your nightstand. You had a message from your mom asking if you wanted to come over for dinner next weekend and an email from your professor who wanted to submit your last essay to some kind of grant application. You’d have to answer her later, your head still felt like it was filled with cotton. Instead, you sent Leah a message.

-Hey, you still alive? There’s leftover pizza and coke over here.

Five seconds later, there was a delighted squeal at the other side of the wall and you heard the click of your roommate’s door before yours opened and Leah tiptoe-danced inside, beaming at you. She was wearing nothing but an extremely tight-fitting cropped wifebeater and a khaki thong, accentuating her long legs as she leaped right onto your bed and almost made you fly as her weight hit the mattress. You tried not to stare at her perfectly toned abs as she opened the gigantic carton and held up a slice of pizza over her head, letting the tip dangle in her mouth before biting down with a moan that made you snort awkwardly.

“Good morning, you animal.”

Leah just moaned again, making a grabbing motion with her hand and pointing toward the second can of coke on your nightstand. You laughed silently as you handed her the cold can, condensed water running down the sides and wetting your fingers. You wiped them on the blanket. The tall brunette swallowed hard and took a sip of coke.

“Good morning, womanizer.” She grinned widely. “I’m so proud of you, man. This is the first time I’ve seen you in action and I can safely say Abby was just as surprised as I was.”

You buried your face in your hands.

“Oh god, was I that obvious? Did I do anything inappropriate? I thought it went well, but now I’m not so sure.” You spread your fingers to peak at your roommate who was currently chewing on a ginormous bite, tomato juice running down her chin. No manners, that girl. She just shook her head and made a noise somewhere between protest and encouragement.

“No, you were fine,” she said with a full mouth, “very tipsy, but cute. I hope you remember Abby inviting you to her place.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

You ran your fingers through your hair, immediately getting stuck in a tangle of knots. God, you needed a shower.

“Yeah, I already went over it with Mark. We made a plan so I won’t embarrass myself.”

“Good. I hope it goes well, you two would be cute together. Hot, even. I mean, no one can deny the allure of those biceps. And her ass?! Godly.” She easily evaded the kick you aimed at her ribs, laughing and slapping your shin away.

“Come on, let’s not act like you’re not ogling her every chance you get. I am, too - the woman looks like a greek goddess!”

“That’s enough,” you giggled, aiming another playful kick in her direction but only lightly hitting her in the thigh. “I know what she looks like.”

“Right. And soon, you’ll hopefully see a lot more of her.” This time, Leah jumped off the bed before your toes could sink right into her side. You tried to suppress a grin as you two stared at each other for a moment before Leah sat back down cross-legged and began eating the last slice of pizza.

“I mean,” she said casually, “you have seen more of a woman before, right?”

You grabbed your coke and turned it in your hands before answering.

“Yeah, I have. It wasn’t… It wasn’t all that, though. Just one time and we were both so nervous it was just awkward.”

Now Leah looked at you with a mixture of shock and pity.

“Come on, Y/N. Only once? You’ve never seen stars because of a woman’s tongue? Never screamed into a pillow because of some skilled sapphic strap game? Never lost your mi-”

“Leaahhhh!” You groaned, feeling blood shoot into your cheeks. “No, okay? I… I made the other girl cum, but for me, it was just… it was too unfamiliar and I didn’t know her well enough to really let myself enjoy it.”

Suddenly a thought crossed your mind and you felt your eyes open wide.

“Wait. Has Abby…? Is she..?”

Leah paused mid-bite and thought for a second.

“Well, she does have experience with men, obviously. As far as women go… I honestly don’t know. She’s dated a few, but it never went longer than a couple of weeks. I don’t know how fast things go with her and she’s never gone into detail with me. I have to ask Nora about that.”

“Don’t you dare! She’ll know this is about me and tell Abby!”

“Oh come on, I’m interested, too.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll tell you so you know what to prepare for, win-win!” She nudged your foot and gave you a mischievous half-smile.

“For god’s sake, do what you must.” You finished your coke and threw it perfectly into the bin beside your desk. Leah gave you an impressed nod. “And now I desperately need a shower. There is a literal nest on top of my head.”

“True,” Leah said and stood up, stretching her limbs as she walked to the door. “Thanks for the pizza. I’m gonna ask Jordan if he wants to come over, so don’t walk out naked if you don’t want a threesome.” She winked at you before closing the door, but a small part at the back of your brain knew that she wasn’t completely joking. You sighed and swung your legs off your bed. No point in lying around, it was past 3 pm anyway.

Grabbing your phone, a shirt, and some clean boxers, you headed for the bathroom. You took your time showering, detangling the mess on your head with lots of conditioner, humming along to Marika Hackman’s cover of I Follow Rivers as you stood under the hot stream of water and brushing your teeth for at least five minutes while waiting for a hair mask to do its magic. When you stepped out of the shower, the bathroom was filled with hot steam and you felt like a whole new person. You slipped into your fresh clothes and held the blow dryer to the mirror until your reflection was clear.

So. Here you were. Finally, you had spoken to the woman of your dreams and even flirted with her. She may have even been jealous of your short conversation with Ellie, the bartender. Tomorrow, you would text her, you would be brave and cool and not at all awkward. As you collected your clothes off the floor and took your phone, you suddenly realized something that would destroy your entire plan. You didn’t even have Abby’s phone number. Why hadn’t you asked her? Of course, you could ask Leah for it, but Abby would know because she knew she hadn’t given it to you. It would be a lot less cool and casual. Fuck.

You stepped into the hallway and ran straight into Jordan. Perfect. Good thing Leah had warned you.

“Oh, hi Y/N! You doing alright after all those tequila shots?” Jordan’s face was open and kind. You immediately relaxed. Just a guy, not a threat.

“Better than I thought I would, actually. What about you?”

“Well, I sent them back out the way they came as soon as I got home.” He grimaced and shrugged. “Just glad I’m still alive, to be honest.”

You had to laugh. “I’m glad, too. Leah would have been devastated.”

“I hope so.” He grinned back. The silence between you stretched a little bit too long.

“Anyways, I’m gonna see what she’s up to. See you later?”

“Yeah, sure!” You said, relieved that he didn’t make it awkward. You quickly slipped into your room and sank down on the bed, composing a text to Mark.

-Minor hiccup - I don’t have her number.

His reply came immediately.

-Shit. What now?

You let yourself fall back on the mattress and covered your face with your arm. Your phone vibrated again and you lifted it up, hoping for a brilliant idea.

-Hey, this is Abby. Are we still on for next week?

You almost dropped your phone on your face. For a minute, you just stared at the message. Then you rolled over onto your stomach and screamed into your pillow.

-Hi Abby. We absolutely are. Y/N.

You tried to suppress a fit of giggles as you texted your brother.

-Nvm, she just texted me.

-Omg what!! Play it cool, don’t answer yet. What did she say???

-Oops already answered. Still on for next week.

-Incredibly casual lol. Whatever, good for you!

-Shut up!

Another text by Abby came in and you actually started drumming your feet on the bed with excitement.

-Tuesday? I could cook for us

-Very impressive, I’ll bite. What time should I come over?

-Very clever. 6pm? Any allergies?

-Vegetarian, hope that’s okay. 6 is great, text me your address?

You watched the little text bubble pop up and vanish again for a good minute, getting more and more nervous for her answer.

- No problem. 2425 Constance.

There was nothing else to do but scream into your pillow again.

-

The next two days went excruciatingly slow. You spent the rest of your Sunday in bed, watching a terrible zombie movie and later ordering curry because you couldn’t be bothered with preparing any food. As it got late, you suddenly heard a knock on the wall. At first, you thought it was accidental, until the knocking started to continue in a steady rhythm. With a death glare that you hoped would reach through the concrete, you plugged your headphones into your laptop and continued watching your movie.

On Monday, you threw yourself into art history coursework and caught up on your studies, emailed your professor, and spent three hours on an essay about the depiction of blood in paintings of Judith beheading Holofernes. Lovely subject. Even though you got through a lot of your tasks for the day, you couldn’t stop yourself from looking at your phone every 10 minutes to see if you had missed a message. Of course, nothing came up. Around 4 pm, your phone buzzed and you leapt for it only to find out it was Leah asking you to buy toilet paper later. At 6pm, you shut off your laptop and grabbed your backpack to go grocery shopping.

Standing in the liquor store you realized you hadn’t asked Abby about cocktails.

“Looking for something in particular?” the elderly lady behind the counter asked. It seemed to be her own shop and to have been hers for a while, judging by the elegant wooden shelves and the warm, nice feeling of the room instead of neon lights and rows of white metal.

“Uh, yeah, actually. I have a date tomorrow and I thought we could make cocktails, but I forgot to ask what she likes. So now I don’t know what to bring.” You gave her an apologetic half smile. She stood up from her seat behind the register, growing not even 2 inches standing compared to sitting and made her way over to you. Her eyes twinkled behind thick glasses that made her look a little bit like an owl.

“Well, dear. I don’t know if I would go straight into the hard liquor on a first date. On my last first date, we had a delicious red wine, a Merlot. Couldn’t that be something? Are you going to eat anything?”

“Oh yes, she said she’d cook for us, but I don’t know what exactly.”

The shop owner gently put a hand on your arm and guided you to a shelf of dark bottles.

“Well, Merlot goes well with any food, so I think it would be perfect. Cocktails come later, when you dress up and go out together or after a night of theater.” You felt a surge of warmth spread through your chest. Theater? Well, why not? For a second, you began to trail off, imagining Abby in a perfectly tailored suit, you at her arm just as dressed up, every head turning as you entered the room and ordered Gin Tonics at the bar during the break. The voice next to you pulled you back to the present.

“If you’re cooking at home, wine is the thing to bring, trust me.”

“I trust you,” you said with a smile as you took the bottle she handed you. The label was a creamy white, with beautiful golden letters. Hopefully this wouldn’t bankrupt you. “Thank you for your help.”

The shopkeeper sat back down in her chair with a sigh and typed into the cash register. 15.99$. That wasn’t so bad. You paid and gently put the bottle inside your backpack.

“You know, you should come by soon and let me know how it went. I think that Merlot will bring you good luck. My wife and I still have it every Sunday.” Your head snapped up and your eyes met that charming, smart twinkle again, flashing at you out of dark brown irises. For a moment, all of the things you wanted to say were stuck in your throat, then you just broke into a smile.

“That’s wonderful, ma’am. I hope I can have that, in the future.”

“Of course you will, dear.” She really sounded like she meant it. A small lump suddenly appeared in your throat.

“Thank you so much. I wish you all the best.”

“Go get her!”

You laughed and waved at her again as you exited the shop, taking the warmth and comfort of it with you and tucking it right beneath the bottom of your heart and the top of your stomach where you knew it would fuel you for a few days. You had already decided that you would come back and make it your mission to befriend that old lady. What a wonderful woman.

Only 23 hours to go. That night, it was almost impossible to fall asleep.

-

You got through the next day by once again banning any thought of the evening from your mind and diving head first into your assignments. You were going to lead a discussion on different planes of language or communications in women’s art and literature and reading up on the historical differences between male and female narratives, beginning with the ancient poet Sappho. It was an exciting topic, something you were extremely thankful for. Otherwise you might have been looking at your phone every 3 minutes instead of every 20. Of course, no message from Abby.

The bottle of wine was standing on your nightstand, reminding you of your plans with an exciting tingle in your stomach. At 4pm, you gave up on doing anything productive. You spent forever in the shower, stealing some of Leah’s expensive pink body scrub, shaving everywhere and regretting it immediately because you felt stupid for assuming anything, entertaining the but what if thoughts while you thoroughly lathered your entire body in Leah’s shampoo and shower gel and spending a good 10 minutes just standing under the hot water because you weren’t ready to leave that fantasy yet. When you stepped out of the shower, the bathroom was an actual steam bath and you could hardly see the door through the thick waves of wonderfully scented fog. You took your time stealing some more of Leah’s skincare products, having come to the conclusion that if she noticed anything and scolded you for it, you might as well try out the whole arsenal.

When you finally opened your closet door, feeling luxurious and clean and fresh, it was 5.10pm. What the hell were you going to wear? You and Mark had agreed on casual, but what the hell did that even mean? You decided to ask him.

-Help!!! Freaking out over my outfit, need a definition for casual

-Jeans and T-Shirt, just your standard outfit. Imagine meeting me for sushi.

-I’m bringing red wine. It seems wrong to bring wine in jeans and a t-shirt..

-What happened to cocktails?? Trust me, keep it simple. You don’t wanna turn up in a dress and she opens the door in sweatpants.

-I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in sweatpants. Ughh fuck I don’t have time for this. Jeans and t-shirt it is. Lesbian grandma recommended wine, I’ll tell you about it tomorrow x

-Go get her x

You quickly slipped into some black jeans that were just the right amount of tightly fitting around your ass and a white shirt with a tiny pomegranate embroidered on the front. Then you put on your jacket and quickly threw your wallet, phone and keys into a tote before grabbing the wine and putting it in as well. With a last look into the hallway mirror and a yelled goodbye to Leah, you rushed out of your apartment.

The evening air was not as cool as you had expected and the sun was just about to set. On your way to the train station, you typed out an on my way! message to Abby and quickly deleted it again. No sense in sending it now when you hadn’t spoken since Sunday and were about to see her. The train ride was annoying, the wagon stuffed with commuters and some guy trying to convince you the apocalypse was upon you all. Zombies, not the last judgement - something different at least.

During the walk from the station to Abby’s house, you were sure it wouldn’t take much more for you to actually start levitating. Your heart was pounding in your chest and your throat was so cramped up it was hard to breathe. When you pulled out your phone, your fingers were actually shaking. Jesus Christ, get a grip. 5.58 pm.

And there it was, 2425 Constance. Just a normal suburban white house, like any other in the street. It actually seemed a bit weird, Manny and Abby living here in the midst of what seemed to be a family neighborhood with real adults . Then again, they both weren’t in college, so you supposed they actually were real adults. When you walked up to the front door, you could hear faint music from inside - jazz? You wouldn’t have guessed she was the jazz type, but then again you knew almost nothing about her. Right. Ask questions, keep the conversation about her. Be cool.

You knocked.

Abby opened the door, a wave of warm air hitting you from inside. It smelled delightful. Her face was slightly flushed, her lips parted as she took in a deep breath. She had tied her hair back in a low bun, but a few strands had fallen out and framed her face. One was standing up in a funny angle.

“Hi, Abby,” you said, trying to keep your voice level and not stare at her body. Fuck, she had dressed up. And she looked hot.

“Hi!” A smile slowly grew wide on her face. When she realized that she was blocking the door, she quickly shook her head and stepped aside. “Come in! Can I take your jacket?”

Oh God, this was hopeless. You already knew you were hers. Thanking her, you took off your jacket and she hung it in a closet next to the entrance. When she turned around, you got a chance to admire her fully. She wore wide dress pants that perfectly accentuated all of her muscles, topped with a loose white shirt with wide sleeves, reminding you a little bit of a pirate. Her jewelry rounded off the pirate look and you had to bite back a grin. She raised her eyebrows at you.

“What?” Her cheeks were still slightly red, but you attributed it to standing in a hot kitchen for probably the last hour, judging by the variety of smells overlapping and mixing together, already making your mouth water.

“Uh, I brought wine,” you said and held out the bottle. Eloquent as always. Abby took it and whistled through her teeth as she inspected the label.

“That looks classic. The sauce I made has some wine in it as well, this is perfect. Thank you, what a great idea!”

You were overwhelmed with her generous praise and didn’t know where to look, so you settled on her hands. You had always sneaked looks at her hands, at the way she held a glass or drummed on a table or clasped them when she was intently listening to someone. They looked strong and rough from work, but there was also a delicacy in their movement and you were sure her touch could be as gentle as the brush of a hummingbird flying past. Realizing you were staring, you tore your gaze away.

“It smells delicious in here, I can’t wait to see what you cooked.” You followed her into the kitchen, where she placed the bottle on the counter and took a corkscrew from a drawer. A big red pot was standing on the gas stove over a tiny flame, the lid still hiding its contents. Your stomach suddenly growled loudly into the silence.

“Someone’s hungry.” Abby gave you a side glance and an amused smirk as she screwed the silver device into the cork. “Everything’s already set, we can get started right away.”

You covered your eyes with your hand for a second before laughing.

“Yeah, I kind of forgot to have lunch earlier and then I figured I’d just wait so I could really savour this.”

“Smart thinking. I made patates au vin , a vegetarian version of coq au vin which is chicken in wine. It’s basically potatoes and vegetables in a thick brown sauce, served with some good rustic bread.” You couldn’t stop your eyes from rolling back at the thought of getting to eat home cooked french cuisine made by Abby in a few minutes.

“Oh my God, say that again.” You could barely stop yourself from moaning. Abby laughed and opened the wine with a loud pop.

“Here, take this over to the dinner table. I’m right behind you.” You took the bottle and followed her nod into the dining room. The wooden table was beautifully set with big and small plates, glasses for water and wine, candles, two blue glass bottles of water and a bowl of salad topped with what looked like apples, pomegranate seeds and feta cheese. You carefully placed the bottle of wine next to the water bottles and stepped aside for Abby, who came out of the kitchen carrying the heavy pot and placed it on a cork coaster in the middle of the table.

“Wait, let me just…” she trailed off as she grabbed her phone from the sideboard and changed the music. A saxophone led a jazz band into the song before a beautiful female voice set in, soft as butter and filling the room like the smell of roses. The voice was familiar to you, but you couldn’t quite place it. As Abby sat down, the music came to a crescendo before breaking off, the voice setting in again with a soft

is it a crime?

“Who sings this?” you asked as Abby opened the water bottle and filled your glasses.

“Oh, it’s Sade. She was my dad’s favorite.”

And I want you to want me too, the woman sang, and your eyes met over the table. You swallowed. Was? Not the right time.

“Sade? Oh, she sings Smooth Operator, right? I know that one, but I never checked out more of her music.”

Abby smiled at you and opened the lid of the pot.

“Yeah. This is the Promise album, my favorite. She is a force.”

A wave of steam erupted from the pot and you bent forward to look inside. Thick, roasted wedges of yellow potatoes lay in a bed of orange and purple carrots, mushrooms and tomatoes in a thick brown sauce, a stalk of thyme on top and a bay leaf poking out from the sauce. You weren’t sure if you were drooling, but you didn’t care.

“Abby, oh my God! This is fantastic.”

A spark had lit in her eyes when she heard you say her name. She elegantly stood up again, grabbed a serving spoon, and held out her hand for your plate. You watched her hands again as she plated an array of vegetables for you and used the spoon to draw a little sauce heart on the rim of the plate. Your ribs felt two sizes too small around your chest. This woman was actually going to be the death of you.

“Thanks,” you quietly said and waited as Abby helped herself to a plate. She sat down and gestured toward the small basket with thick slices of grey bread with a dark brown crust.

“Help yourself. Bon appétit.”

After a few moments of eating in comfortable silence before you showered the blonde in an array of compliments, this time not able to refrain from moaning when you bit into a tender, sweet purple carrot, the conversation began to flow. Abby complimented the wine, you talked about your studies, Abby told a few work stories in which both she and Nora were involved, you told her about your close relationship with your brother and she bittersweetly reminisced about her upbringing as an only child with a single dad. It had just been the two of them, moving frequently because of his changing jobs in different hospitals. He had been a neurosurgeon, and a brilliant one at that, but always humble and ready to help wherever he could. Abby sat up straighter when she talked about him, her chest actually swelling with pride when she told you about one time they had rescued an injured horse that had run away and been hit by a car in front of them.

“I think I was 16 back then. It’s one of my favorite memories of him. It actually wasn’t long before…” Her eyebrows moved into a frown and she bit her lip, pushing a small piece of onion around her plate. Fuck, maybe it would have been easier to talk about you, after all.

“We don’t have to talk about it. You can tell me when you’re ready.”

She looked up and you expected to see tears, but her eyes were full of love and her face smoothed out into a gentle smile.

“No, it’s okay. I’m still working on it, and part of my therapy is telling people who don’t know yet. You know, I don’t really have a lot of friends.” She suddenly laughed, easing the tension at the bottom of your lungs. “That sounds stupid, of course I do. I have Manny and Nora and Leah and Jordan and Owen, I guess. But the thing is, they all knew me before. I haven’t really made friends ever since my dad.. passed away. The idea of needing to open up to someone about all this so I can develop a real connection and friendship with them is just a lot to bear.”

“The mortifying ordeal of being known,” you mumbled, more to yourself, crumpling up your napkin in one hand.

“Sorry?”

“Oh, it’s this quote from a New York Times article that has been floating around the internet for a while. ‘If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known’.” You looked up at her and inhaled deeply. “It’s something I’m also terrified of. Although it seems kind of stupid sometimes, because compared to you for example, I don’t really have a good reason.”

Abby looks at you like she’s just discovered something extremely interesting. She takes a sip of her wine before answering, her silver rings blinking at you in the candlelight.

“It’s not at all stupid. I’ve always been very careful with who I open up to, even before my dad died. It’s horrifying, laying yourself bare for a person, putting yourself on a silver plate and handing it to them and saying there, now do with it what you wish. Maybe they’ll look at it and say no, thanks. Maybe they’ll call everyone and say hey, look at this mad woman with her twisted insides, isn’t that funny? Maybe they’ll see it and think, I can do this, and then after a few years they suddenly realize they actually can’t and you’re way too much and so they leave for someone with a more simple, prettier silver plate. Maybe they’ll even take a few pieces with them as they go.”

She didn’t sound bitter as she said it, and she didn’t look terribly sad either, more as if she was making an observation about something she was mildly interested in. You didn’t know what to say except for show me your silver plate, please show me your all, and I will devour it, savor it, keep it with me forever. But you stayed silent, your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth.

“I’m quite the handful, am I? Sorry, I shouldn’t have thrown all this” - she gestured toward herself - “at you during our first date.” Then her eyes widened as she realized what she had said. “Fuck, sorry, I just assumed… you probably don’t…”

Finally, movement came back into you. You jumped from your chair and were next to her in a few paces. She lifted a hand and you took it in yours.

“Of course this is a date,” you said gently and smiled at her. “Otherwise why would I have been this nervous for the past three days, thinking of nothing but you, constantly checking my phone to see if you texted me? And I brought red wine, come on.” That brought a smile to her face. She chuckled lightly.

“So I haven’t just ruined everything?” The hope in her eyes was mixed with real, honest fear.

“No, of course not. I’m glad you’re being open with me. You know, I planned not to reveal too much about myself tonight, fearing I would scare you away or say something stupid and make you suddenly lose interest.”

The current song ended and a soft, funky beat came on. There it was again, that twinkle in Abby’s eyes. Your hands were still clasped around hers and she made no move to pull back.

“Well, now I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me. Lay it on me. Over dessert, maybe?”

You raised your eyebrows.

“There’s dessert? You’re going to have to roll me out of here later.”

She laughed, warm and genuine, and the pride you had felt back in The Closet filled your chest again. You would do anything just to be the one to make her laugh every day for the rest of your life. She got up and you both started clearing the table together.

Never going to know

What fate is going to blow

Your way, just hope that it feels right

Could that Sade lady be any more on the nose? You risked a glance at Abby, who was smiling to herself. You followed her into the kitchen and she opened the fridge to produce a large glass dish, showing the several layers of biscuit and white cream, topped with dark cacao.

“Tiramisu? Seriously Abby, how much time did you spend in the kitchen today?”

She gave you a crooked grin before exiting the kitchen.

“Took the day off.”

You just sighed and went back into the dining room.

Such a fine time as this

“Here.” Abby handed you a small plate with a piece of her gourmet tiramisu. Your fingers brushed against each other and you both paused for just the blink of an eye.

What could equal the bliss

The thrill of the first kiss

You sat down and grabbed the small fork left next to your wine glass. On second thought, you took another sip of Merlot. It really was exquisite.

“Buon’ appetito,” you said and sliced off a perfect edge of tiramisu. The soft, coffee-drenched biscuit fell apart on your tongue, mixing with the heavy vanilla-flavored mascarpone. “Did you know where the name tiramisu comes from?”

Abby lifted her fork to her mouth and softly closed her lips around the piece of creamy dessert. You were entranced, watching her hand sink down to the table again, then her jaw moving and flexing as she chewed. She raised her eyebrows questioningly and you cleared your throat, taking another piece on your fork.

“ Tira mi su is Italian for ‘pull me down’. It’s the last thing you eat after dinner and the thing that makes you tired, pulls you right into the food coma. In restaurants, it rounds off the meal and guests will probably leave in the following hour because they feel they’re ready to go home.”

Never as good as the first time

Natural as the way we came to be

“Oh,” Abby said, her voice quiet. She looked up at you through dark lashes. “And are you going home after this?”

“No.” You said it without thinking, only knowing what was true in your heart. “I don’t want to.”

“I’m glad.” Taking a deep breath, Abby straightened up, then reached a hand across the table, her palm facing up. You stared at it for a fraction of a second before placing your hand in hers, feeling something fall into place inside you. The glances you exchanged said so much more than you could possibly dare to say out loud right now.

You used your free hand to stab the last piece of tiramisu. This time it was Abby who was watching you with hungry eyes as the fork vanished between your lips and emerged clean.

“This tiramisu could be the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my life,” you said after swallowing and Abby’s fingers twitched ever so slightly around your hand.

“Thank you. I’m really into French and Italian cuisine, as you may have noticed.”

You leaned back in your chair, careful not to pull back your hand.

“I couldn’t do it, honestly. Spending so much time in the kitchen. Especially not with a job like yours, on your feet all day. I’d probably survive off of pasta and takeout.”

Abby smiled and began slowly drawing circles on the back of your hand with her thumb. You were already hyper-aware of how your blood rushed through every vein of your body, a side-effect of the red wine, but now it came to a roar in your ears.

“I guess I need some kind of hobby besides lifting weights. It calms me down. And it’s not just about the end result, about getting to eat something, but also about picking the right ingredients, taking my time cutting them up, trying new recipes with new flavors, and learning more about food and culture, and honestly about myself. It’s like meditating.”

“That sounds…” you were at a loss for words, “unbelievable? I’ve never heard someone talk about cooking like that. And I’ve never felt that way about it, too. I guess I’d like to, though. It sounds nice.”

Abby brushed her thumb over your knuckles.

“Well, I could show you.” You tilted your head slightly. “I mean, we could cook together. Next time. If you want to?”

Sade’s voice, smooth as polished wood and dripping with honey cut into the moment.

How could I have doubted

Honey, it's with me that you belong

“Yeah, I’d love to. What do you have in mind?”

“Do you like lasagna? We could make a vegetable lasagna and substitute the meat for soy. I could show you how to make a béchamel.”

You laughed and squeezed her hand.

“I love lasagna, although I have no idea what a beshmel is.”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” Abby’s face was glowing with happiness.

As the last two songs of the album played, you helped Abby clean up the table. You got into an argument about doing the dishes - Abby said she’d do it later but you insisted you would do them now or at least help because so far you had not lifted a finger.

“Come on, Abby, please let me help?” You tried your best doe eyes at her. She grinned and playfully slapped your upper arm.

“Okay. But I’ll put on different music.”

She vanished to the dining room while you began filling the sink with water. A high note filled the room before a man spoke.

You broke my heart / 'Cause I couldn't dance

You didn't even want me around

And now I'm back / To let you know

I can really shake 'em down

Abby stepped into your field of vision. The music set in, a delightful 60’s rock and roll melody, and Abby began dancing toward you with tiny steps and shaking shoulders. She was lip synching to the coarse voice of the singer and reaching out her hands for you. Snapping out of your frozen position, you shook your head, grabbed her hands, and were immediately twirled through the kitchen. A squeak escaped you as Abby pulled you back toward her and with another pirouette, you almost slammed into her chest. You both laughed out loud, continuing to dance through the kitchen with big, overexaggerated moves, flailing your arms and shuffling your feet across the tile.

I can do the twist

Now, tell me baby

Do you like it like this?

You quickly began singing along to the simple lyrics and both of you were giggling at each other’s dance moves. The next song was Stand By Me and you both settled down, beginning to clean the pots and dishes. You did the washing while Abby dried off the pieces you gave her and put them back into the right cupboards. Both of you were swaying and humming along to the music.

During the second chorus, both of you began belting along, filling the kitchen with the wonderfully familiar sound of slightly drunk women singing together. As the song ended, you both comically froze and waited for the next song to set in. When it was La Bamba by Ritchie Valens, you both continued singing along and showing off some probably terrible salsa moves. You were done in no time and Abby took your hand, pulling you into the dining room and sliding across the wooden floors with you. Your stomach hurt from laughing and you couldn’t stop smiling.

Next came the bittersweet Be My Baby by the Ronettes, a song you remembered from your childhood, vague memories of your parents slow dancing together after another terrible fight. You swallowed down the hint of bitterness creeping up from your stomach. Instead, you looked up at Abby, almost a full head taller than you, and dared yourself to step forward. You placed your right hand in Abby’s and your left on her tricep, coming unbearably and exhilaratingly close. Abby put her hand on your back, right below your shoulder blade, warming you through the fabric of your shirt. Your faces were incredibly close, her breath warm on your nose, and you could have counted every single freckle on her beautiful face. There was a slim ring of gold around her pupil, complimenting the green of her iris. She was breathtaking.

You couldn’t take this any longer. Should you kiss her? Everything inside you wanted to, but you couldn’t bring yourself to close the last inch of distance. It felt like wanting to do a handstand but pulling back at the last second every time because of a deep fear of failing and hurting yourself. It was terribly frustrating.

Instead, you leaned your head against the round muscle of Abby’s shoulder, turning your face toward her chest and pressing your temple to her collarbone. You could smell the herbs she had used to cook earlier in the fabric of her shirt, but her skin smelled like pine and something else, earthy and dark, like tree bark or wool. Abby rested her chin against your forehead and her low hum of contentment vibrated against your cheek.

A light waltz melody began, Unchained Melody, a song you knew from some commercial and had listened to for a few weeks straight after.

I need your love

God speed your love to me

You smiled to yourself and could sense Abby was doing the same. You kept slowly turning, dancing through the candle-lit room and swaying side to side. The band set in louder and you lifted your head again. Abby’s eyes were fixed to yours, but you couldn’t stop yours from wandering lower, finding those perfectly pink lips, hanging open ever so slightly. Your hand wandered upward, along her shoulder, and to the back of her neck. As the last verse of the song began, you stood on your tiptoes and brushed your lips against her. Abby inhaled sharply, her fingers spreading on your back and pressing against your skin. You gently pressed your lips to hers again and this time, she kissed you back. You dug your fingertips into the back of her neck, desperately wanting to come closer, to pull her down to you, hell, you would climb her like a tree if you had to.

Feeling courageous, you stuck your tongue out and ran the tip upward over her lips. Abby instantly reacted, opening her mouth for you and greeting your tongue with hers. She tasted like wine and cacao, and faintly like thyme. Releasing your hand, she wrapped her arms around your waist. You reached up and buried your hand in her hair. She gasped into your mouth. You tucked that sound away for later, swearing to yourself you would make her do it again as often as you could.

A few seconds of silence between songs were disrupted by your wonderfully frivolous wet kissing sounds and a small whine that escaped you when Abby’s hand wandered lower to cup your ass. The first guitar chords of Nights In White Satin vibrated through the air and Abby grabbed you tightly before lifting you off the ground and wrapping your legs around her hips. She carried you over to the dining table and set you down.

The dramatic crescendo in the song you loved so much began.

And I love you

Yes I love you

Oh, how I love you

The singer’s voice filled every corner of the room, his declaration hovering above you, the high voices of the background singers ringing in your ears and Abby’s hands everywhere, her body leaning over you, her hips pressed between your legs. You flexed your legs to pull her in closer, almost falling apart when Abby let out a low moan and rocked her hips forward against you. Then she suddenly slowed down and broke the kiss.

“Wait, let’s talk for a second.”

You kept your legs clamped around her, but relaxed back a little, brushing back a strand of hair from her forehead and giving her an encouraging nod to go ahead.

“I haven’t… I’m not that experienced with - with women. And generally. And I don’t want to rush things and do something wrong and lose you. I don’t really know how this works and I want to do it right.”

Her hands on your waist tightened slightly. You gave her a shy smile.

“Me neither. I’m scared, too.” You surprised yourself with your openness. “How about we take this slow, then? Talk about everything openly? And just go one step at a time?”

Abby nodded and pulled you closer again.

Holding Back The Years began playing.

“One kiss at a time.” She gave you a gentle peck on the lips.

“Oh, really? I would have never picked you as the sappy type,” you laughed against her lips.

“You wouldn’t?” She acted shocked. “Let me remind you of how I took the day off to cook a gourmet french dish for you.”

“True.” You shrugged and pulled her in for another kiss. “It’s probably the muscles. With those guns, you can do anything and still be taken seriously.”

Abby snorted and you realized that had been the wine talking. For a second, you were mortified, then she scooped you up again, holding your body with one arm as she ran her free hand through your hair.

“Oh, those? You know, they’re specifically for carrying you around all day. Anything for my - princess.” You had very well noticed the little pause there, but you decided not to say anything yet. Instead, you lifted your chin and eyebrows, imitating what you thought a royal would look like.

“Well, what does that make you? You’re obviously not a prince. My lady knight?”

Abby nodded solemnly.

“Sworn to protect and defend you. And to carry you wherever.”

“Well, do you have a sofa you could carry me to?” You tightened your hold on her shoulders and leaned in closer again.

“Of course, my lady.”

Abby carried you through a doorway at the back of the dining room into a cozy living room, equipped with a large sofa and a gigantic flatscreen tv, two vintage armchairs, a wooden bookshelf with at least 100 books, and a desk facing the window, medical books spread across the surface. The blonde sat down on the sofa and you knelt left and right of her hips, straddling her as you gave her another soft kiss.

“You know,” you began, “I’ve been crushing on you for months now. I thought you had absolutely no interest in me. I didn’t even know you liked women.”

Abby’s eyes widened at your confession.

“Shit, I had no idea. You weren’t exactly forward, you know. The first time we met, you already had this pull on me. But you were so shy and I didn’t want to jump you or annoy you, so I tried to keep my distance and wait if you would come around.”

“You have Leah to thank for that. Me coming around. I kind of forgot to come out to her until karaoke night and she told me you were dating women as well. She knows I’ve been a hopeless case when it comes to you, but she wanted me to figure this out on my own.”

Abby thought about this for a second.

“Yeah, Leah probably only told you because she knew I liked you, too. I haven’t been that open about dating women in the past, just because talking about dating in general was weird with Owen and Mel around and I also just don’t like everyone knowing my personal business.”

“I get that.” You nodded. “As I said, I hadn’t even been out to Leah. Mostly because I haven’t dated anyone in forever and the last time was a disaster not worth talking about.” You winced at the memory.

“You wanna tell me anyway?”

You thought about it for a second, then you climbed off Abby’s lap and laid down on the sofa, resting your head on her thigh. Her fingers immediately began brushing through your hair and massaging your scalp.

“Well, I met this girl during a freshman party at a sorority house the weekend before my first semester in college,” you began. You had felt weirdly out of place, but were determined to speak to at least one person. A few hours and an almost-lethal amount of tequila later, the girl you had talked to all night had dragged you into one of the bedrooms. You both had no previous experience, were extremely drunk and it was already 5am. You had fun making out and were both eager to try more, but it had been more out of curiosity than desire for each other and so the experience had not ended in the expected bliss of lesbian sex. Rather, she had come pretty quickly and afterward she'd begun crying and told you she had a boyfriend, and you had gotten dressed and fled the house. After that, dating in college was not really something you thought about much.

Abby listened to your story with interest and sympathy, laughing at a few parts and stroking your hair as you told her about the end of that fateful night. She felt deeply sorry for your experience of strangeness and betrayal, immediately promising to you that she would always tell you what was going on inside her head and what she wanted.

“Like you just did,” you smiled at her. “That was brave. It’s what I should have done that night.”

“I mean, I had a few weird moments, too, before I learned to speak my mind.” Abby’s gaze unfocused and she frowned as she clearly recalled some not very pleasant memories.

“Wanna tell me, too?” you asked, keeping your voice light. She nodded, looking down at you again.

“I mean, there's Owen, obviously. That didn’t work out well and now he is with Mel, leaving me wondering if he was interested in her while we were still together. After we broke up, Nora and I went on a little bender.” Your heart jumped into your throat. Did Abby and Nora...? A wave of jealousy rose from the bottom of your stomach, but you forced yourself to keep your calm, smiling at Abby as she continued.

“We spent every weekend at a different bar, and one of them was actually at The Closet. Nora was making out with a woman in actual overalls” - she snorted - “and I just hung out at the bar, drinking Long Islands and not brave enough to make eye contact with anyone. And then the bartender started talking to me.”

Suddenly realization dawned on you. You sat up and stared at Abby.

“Wait, Ellie? The short-haired one?”

Abby grimaced.

“Yeah. We talked for a while and I came back the next week with Leah and Jordan. They didn’t even notice I was spending a lot of time at the bar. Ellie and I met for coffee a few days later and I mentioned my dad and she got really quiet and strange. Turns out, she’s related to the guy that murdered my dad, so...”

You were pretty sure your heart stopped for a moment, all the air in your chest building up pressure as you tried to figure out how to breathe out. Abby noticed and gently guided you to lay back down, continuing to weave her fingers into your hair.

“It’s okay, Y/N. I’ll tell you the whole story another time. So yeah, Ellie and I. It was horrible, but we still stayed and talked for a while. She couldn’t tell me a lot about what happened, but she had no idea that I even existed and she was about to have a panic attack over it all. I helped her calm down and then she felt terrible for reacting so badly when it should be me panicking and I just told her that there’s nothing any of us can do now and we should probably leave it at that.” She sighed. “I hadn’t been to The Closet until a few days ago. I only came because I knew you’d be there.”

“Fuck, that’s terrible,” you mumbled. “I don’t think I could have gone back there. I’m still glad you did, though.”

“Me too,” Abby said, her voice gentle and honest. She leaned down to kiss you, deeply and passionately.

You stayed on the sofa for the next few hours, talking about school crushes and gay awakenings, about women constantly hitting on Abby and her being confused for a long time. She told you more about her relationship with Mel and you started to actually resent that woman. Who did she think she was? You told Abby about living with Leah and about your current research projects and she listened intently, asking a lot of questions about the art you were analyzing. You began diving into queer art and Sappho and your theory on the different languages of different social groups. Abby actually gave you some great new ideas and some good questions you couldn’t yet answer and you were actually beginning to look forward to writing tomorrow.

As the clock moved past midnight, it became clear you would have to leave at some point soon. Abby had to get up at 7 in the morning for a 10-hour shift, and you had stifled one too many yawns. You were cuddled up on the couch, kisses interchanging with long, deep conversations and more kisses.

“I can accompany you to the station,” Abby suggested as you looked up the departure times on your phone.

“You don’t have to. That’s sweet of you, but I’ll find the way.” You kissed her for her generosity, but she pulled back.

“Honestly. I don’t want you walking alone. I’ll go with you.” A sheepish smile appeared on her face and she did a tiny bow. “My lady.”

You rolled your eyes and got up, making your way to the entrance hall. Abby gently helped you into your coat and put on a black bomber jacket, a strange but hot combination with her fancy pants. She opened the door for you and you stepped out into the cold night together.

You held hands on the way to the station, stopping at every corner to make out, laughing together, and making plans for your lasagna night. You would come over on Thursday, promising to yourself you would finish all your coursework until then. Manny would come back on Friday, so you’d have the house to yourself again.

You arrived at the station way too soon, but your train was announced to arrive in two minutes. Heavy-hearted, you flung your arms around the tall blonde and she wrapped hers around your waist, lifting you up for another deep kiss.

“I can’t wait to see you again,” she whispered against your lips.

“I’ll even dress up next time,” you mumbled and she grinned at you.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything but jeans and a t-shirt. I’m excited.” Well, now you had to go shopping. Leah would be delighted to go with you.

You pressed a last kiss to Abby’s lips before unwrapping yourself from her arms as the train rolled into the station. As you stepped away, she caught your hand and pulled you back for another one, cheekily running her tongue over your bottom lip. You sighed and kissed her hand, wrapped firmly around yours, before stepping back and boarding the train. You waved at her through the window as you departed and watched her stand on the platform until she was out of sight.

Letting yourself fall into one of the seats, you pulled out your phone and texted your brother.

-We kissed!!!! Call me when you can

Then you texted Leah about shopping tomorrow, just able to send the text before your phone vibrated with a new message.

-You looked beautiful tonight. I’m the luckiest person in the world.

You tried to keep your squeal as quiet as possible. A woman a few seats ahead of you briefly looked up from her phone.

-Can’t believe I have a personal knight who will carry me wherever I want to go

The reply came in seconds.

-Anywhere and anything you want. Text me when you’re home!

-Can I text you before I’m home? I miss you already :(

You had to wait a few minutes before your phone vibrated again. This time, Abby was calling.

“Sorry, I was cleaning up and getting ready for bed.” She sounded a bit breathless.

“No worries,” you said. “What are you wearing for bed?”

Abby let out a surprised laugh.

“Really, now?”

“I’m serious. I want to imagine being with you.”

“Well, I’m wearing a gigantic black t-shirt with a ton of holes and boxers.”

You closed your eyes, envisioning Abby’s thighs straining against the hem of her shorts and the soft cotton of her shirt that you could bury your face in. She would smell like nature and like home somewhere far away.

“I wish I was there.” You noticed you were sounding desperate. Fucking hell, were you about to turn into a 13-year-old? You could hear the smile in Abby’s voice when she spoke.

“I wish you were here with me, too.” She paused for a moment. Then, “Do you want to sleep over on Thursday?”

“Uhm -” you had to think for a second, remembering you only had dinner plans for Friday with your mom. Before you could answer, Abby cut in again

“Fuck, am I rushing you? I didn’t mean - I just thought it would be nice, falling asleep together. But I totally get if that’s -”

“Abby! Of course I want to stay over!” You clenched your free hand into a fist, punching your thigh a few times in order to divert the explosion of energy inside your chest.

“Oh, thank god,” Abby’s shaky laugh was heart-wrenching. “I thought I messed up already.”

You stood up to exit at your station.

“No, not at all. I’d love to fall asleep with you.”

The way to your apartment was over faster than you wanted it to be.

“I’m home now. I think I should hang up, Leah is probably sleeping.”

“Yeah, don’t wake the monster.” Abby chuckled.

“Good night, Abby. Tonight was incredible.”

“Good night, Y/N. You’re incredible. Sleep tight.”

--

Author's note: Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! If you'd like to support me, you can buy me a coffee here

[minachuuu]

Itzy Reaction to their S/O being Covered in Tattoos

This was my first request for an Itzy reaction and I was so excited because I love those girls so much, I hope you enjoy it!💜✨

Yeji

There was something about you that didn't let her eyes leave your silhouette, sitting across her, all the way at the opposite side of the cafe. Dressed entirely in black, a leather jacket draping around you brought in the exact pinch of mystery that called Yeji's attention. 

But just exactly as she was taking a sip of her iced tea, you had the fantastic idea of taking the leather jacket off, revealing your arms and neckline to be covered with various tattoos, your black shirt hiding so much more. Let's say that Yeji's body forgot how to deal with liquids at that moment, spraying everything over Ryujin, Lia and herself, making the few people around turn around to face them, including you. If she was nervous to talk to you before, now the nerves had doubled adding embarrassment to the mix. 

Standing up to the bathroom to clean herself, Yeji didn't notice you entering a few seconds behind her. She jumped startled when she recognized you, but you approached her with a smile. 

"Ah bummer, your shirt isn't going to dry quickly," You pointed at the obvious, your voice trembling.  You extended your hand, offering her your leather jacket. "Here, use this." 

She nodded, shyly taking the jacket from you. She agreed if you allowed her to buy you a pastry and you accepted with a chuckle. Both of you also found the perfect excuse to ask for your phone numbers. You know, only to return your jacket later. 

Add time to the mixture, and Yeji still doesn't understand exactly how one of the most embarrassing moments in her life brought the most amazing person into her life. 

Now, in the private comfort of your nights together, sometimes when you take your shirt off, she'll embrace you from behind, losing herself watching all the amazing illustrations engraved in your skin, gently caressing her fingers through them. 

Lia

By Chaeryeong's recommendation, this was finally the day that Jisu decided to go and take a walk in the park. But her stroll was interrupted when she heard the soft sound of a guitar playing close to her. She followed the music and directed her to you, who was peacefully sitting on a park bench, playing with chords and strumming patterns. But what caught her attention even more, was the sun lighting up such a variety of colors and pictures all painted across what she was able to see from your body. 

Even if you looked kind of hard to approach, you still awaked a fair amount of interest in Jisu, so she breathed in enough courage to talk to you, approaching slowly. 

"That sounds beautiful!" She tucked one strand of hair in her ear as she fidgeted with her hands. Her eyes tenderly scanning every drawing all over your body, prompted your cheeks to turn bright red. "Is it your song?" 

"Thank you!" You smiled, suddenly awakening something new in Jisu's heart. "It is mine, but I still can't get the lyrics right."

Bingo. She latched from that to make a conversation, offering herself to help you write. You couldn't help but notice how she couldn't stop looking at your tattoos, sometimes completely ignoring what you were saying. A great friendship sparked between you two from that moment on, but day by day, Jisu couldn't keep ignoring the butterflies in her stomach everytime she lost herself in the colorful collage that was your skin. 

So now that you two finally stopped ignoring your feelings towards each other and started dating, don't be surprised if she begs you to use more sleeveless shirts, crop tops, or tries to keep you from putting a shirt on as much as she can when you're alone. Jisu can’t help it, she just finds you a walking work of art, one that makes her go *keyboard smash* all the time. 

Ryujin

Ryujin doesn't really like to be told what to do, so she wasn't really amused by the idea of having someone unknown review her own choreography. But then you walked through the door, and she couldn't understand exactly how to feel about it. Your dark makeup and clothing, covered in tons of tattoos made her heart do flips in all directions, and she couldn't settle on feeling afraid, excited, intimidated or amazed. 

All this confusion made the usually confident and witty Ryujin all flustered as she couldn't even focus on the notes that you gave to her because her eyes refused to leave the illustrations engraved in your body. She only nodded at all your words, convincing herself that it was just fear what you aroused inside of her. 

But she was quickly proved wrong by her own thoughts, as you didn't seem to leave her mind at all; your eyes, your lips, the way your body moved, and especially, every drawing that was painted across your skin.

The next day, Ryujin opened the door and her eyes landed on you, calling all those feelings back in her. You glanced at her reflection through the mirror, smiling at her dumbfounded expression. 

"Oh hey Ryujin! I'm glad you could make it." You turned around, grabbing a little paper bag and handling it to her. "I bought some cookies and a coffee for you, hope you like them!" 

Right there, she melted on the inside. The cute gesture helped get her confidence back, making this rehearsal a blatant back and forth of pure flirting. 

It all grew up to become an amazing relationship, were one of your hobbies is to combine Ryujin's audacious attitude and your threatening appearance to prank people (Mostly Ryujin's groupmates, who are we kidding), but behind closed doors, no one could imagine that the most intimidating couple was all lovey-dovey with each other. 

Chaeryeong 

Look, Chaeryeong isn't one to judge people based on their appearance. She didn't mind that you were covered in tattoos at all, but how can she help it when you're known as the stone cold, intimidating, serious and bossy member of your group? And most of all, how was she supposed to breath now that you were standing right in the same practice room as her? Could you two be friends? Would you like her? Maybe find her cute? But what if you weren't her type? 

Your group and Itzy were collabing for a special stage at a music award show and she couldn't stop staring at you through the mirror, your stoic expression as you reviewed the steps of the choreography. She found her eyes straying to the rest of your body over and over again, tracing your tattoos in her mind, wondering how it felt to touch them. 

The rehearsal came to a break and you dropped over the couch, your members surrounding you. Chaeryeong kept staring from the other side of the room, but was a bit taken aback when, amid conversation, you let out the most gentle chuckle she had ever seen. In general, it was the first time she had ever seen you smile. Impressed by how your amiable aura wasn't going down either, she convinced Ryujin to help her approach you. 

Turns out, your stoic personality was mostly just a concept that you acted for the cameras, but the softer, more real side of you was what cemented her crush over you, especially contrasted with your threatening, and frankly quite attractive looks. Luckily for her, you did find her really cute, and you kept in touch after the awards, allowing much more to flourish between you two. 

Now that you two are happily in a relationship, she doesn't throw away the chance to relish on your tougher side either, running to the safety of your decorated arms every time she needs to forget the world around her. 

Yuna

You first met Yuna in a queue in an amusement park, when you were waiting to get on a ride. You were chatting with your group of friends when she caught your attention, and apparently it was mutual, since she kept staring at you and your few visible tattoos in your arms and neck. You chuckled at her wide eyes, as she locked them with yours. But she wasn't shying away from you. She instantly waved at you with a wide smile, nearing you. Yuna introduced herself, along with Yeji and Ryujin who were going on the ride as well. 

She wasn't afraid to start asking about your tattoos and their meanings, and honestly you didn't mind answering them either. Most of them were new, and you proudly showed them off to someone willing to listen. After a good while chatting and your mutual crush being obvious to everyone around, you both agreed on going up the ride together, since both your groups were in the odd numbers. 

From that day on, an amazing friendship grew between you two, and Yuna never lost the habit of asking for a meaning everytime that you got a new tattoo. Except for one day, where she pointed out one that didn't have any particular explanations, you just had tattooed it because it looked pretty and cool. Yuna nodded silently at the answer, lost in her own thoughts for some minutes. 

"What do you think about tattooing my face?" She blurted out, staring lost at the horizon. 

"Wha-" You blinked, startled out at the sudden question. 

"I am pretty and cool too!" She turned around, not an ounce of a joke in her voice. 

You couldn't help but giggle in response, the way she wasn't afraid to be herself just allowed your crush on her to keep growing everyday. Always enjoying each other's company, you were both excited at the idea of being something more in the future. 

[fallin-4-ya]

spilled amortentia

spilled amortentia 

cedric diggory x reader

summary: y/n and cedric diggroy hated each other, but when things finally start to turn around for the two some secrets about some spilt amortentia will be confessed.

warnings: bickering, enemies to lovers & that's all! (gif is not mine, credit to owner!)

requested? yes/no

words: 2.1k

Y/n didn’t like Cedric Diggory. Borderline hate, if she was being honest with herself. His stupid smile, his stupid eyes, his stupid laugh, his stupid face. He was just so nice, so genuine, so handsome. And y/n wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.

Cedric didn’t like y/n y/l/n. Nearly hated her if he was being honest with himself. Her stupid hair, her stupid lips, her stupid voice, her stupid face. She was just so beautiful, so intelligent, so funny. And Cedric wanted absolutely nothing to do with her.

Their not so friendly hatred, competition, began third year. Nobody really knows why it began or how it started, but just that it was best you steered clear of the two when they were in the same room as each other. Something to do with potions class and a spilt amortentia, and that’s about all anyone could remember.

The charade went on for nearly three years before anyone had anything to say about it. It wasn’t until sixth year when y/n’s friend Hannah turned to her in the common room, daring to question her.

“Why do you hate Cedric so much?”

“Hannah, I don’t hate Cedric,” y/n placed a hand on Hannah’s shoulder. “That would imply that I cared.”

She smiled sarcastically at Hannah, turning out of the common room and into the corridors. Y/n huffed and rolled her eyes. Yes, she might have hated Cedric, but she was right about one thing. And that, was not caring about him.  y/n went on with her day, dreading the afternoon that was to come. She had double potions with Cedric.

y/n had been Cedric’s potions partner since third year. Of course, she had no idea why, as their last names so far apart and they clearly didn’t get along. Perhaps Snape had it out for her ever since she gifted him a bottle of shampoo once. But, that wasn’t the point. The point was is that she would have to spend a whole double period of potions sat beside Cedric with his horrendous, shiny hair and those horrible, rosy cheeks of his.

She gagged just thinking about it. However, the funny thing was that they had been quite the pair their first two years at Hogwarts. They could always be seen together between classes, studying in the library and even sat next to each other voluntarily. Things changed though, the following year. Cedric and y/n sat beside each other in potions, their task for the day was to brew a beginner’s batch of amortentia. Seemed simple enough. Challenging, but straight forward.

It all happened so quickly. They had just finished brewing their potion and Cedric was the first one to learn across the desk and sniff the potion. His face when completely white, looking at y/n with bulging grey eyes. She laughed, “What is it, Ced?”

“Nothing,” He answered back quickly. “Why don’t you have a go?”

Cedric pushed the cauldron towards y/n and before anybody could see or have time to stop it, the entirety of the pot tipped over and spilt all over her. Her breathing stopped and her eyes flickered up to Cedric Diggory with glaring eyes. She hardly had any time to realize what her potion smelt like because she stormed out of the room so fast and so furiously, that Cedric had no time to respond. 

And it wasn’t until she was half way through the corridor when she cursed herself, because of bloody course she had to stink of Cedric Diggory. The boy who she smelt in her amortentia.

That wasn’t even the worst part, because their potion was so strong for the next week she had boys and girls alike following her around the school like puppies. Chasing after her because she stunk of their desired scent. At that point she looked far beyond loving the boy she had smelt in the love potion. She vowed that day to hate Cedric Diggory forever, and word caught onto Cedric pretty quickly because he didn’t even look her way after that.

Their new form of communication strayed farther from the wonderful conversations they once held, to quick insults thrown at each other. When eye contact was made, which was rare, eyes would either roll or simply look the other direction.

y/n shook her head, trotting off to the dungeons to where her two hours of torture would begin. She exhaled sharply, taking her seat next to the brown-haired boy. Cedric shifted in his chair, feeling the presence of y/n.

“How are you today, y/n?” Cedric asked, a tone of annoyance in his voice.

“I didn’t even know you could talk,” scoffed y/n.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

The girl laughed, “Exactly what I said it meant. Not like you ask me how I am on a daily basis, let alone speak more than two words to me unless you have to.”

“Well, aren’t you a ray of sunshine.” Cedric said back, a smirk plastered onto his face.

“Oh, you got me on a good day, wee one.” She smiled brightly from ear to ear, then turning back to face professor Snape at the front board. She felt a strange sensation in her stomach, a nervous excitement. Before she identified the feeling, the lecture began and all attention had shifted from the pit in her stomach to the black cauldron inferno of her.

She couldn’t recall the last time she had a conversation that lasted longer than four seconds with Cedric.  y/n had forgotten how soothing his voice was and his dry sense of humor had always brought a smile to her face. Yet rather than harboring these thoughts, she shook whatever she was feeling off, immediately remembering why she hated the boy. Though, however hard she tried, the next week those soft sorts of feelings made their way to the surface more often than not. And it seemed as if Cedric felt the same way.

Rather than their usual cold greetings, they acknowledged each other with nods, then the following week, a casual smile, the next a wave. The students at Hogwarts felt the world shift, because were Cedric Diggory and y/n y/l/n actually getting along? Nobody could believe that the two could co-exist in the same room without ripping the other’s head off. It became even more baffling when he approached her on more than one occasion outside of class.

It was a rainy day and y/n sat in the library working on a charms essay. She flipped mindlessly through the books, searching for something about a confundus charm; however, her searching was interrupted by a loud stack of books hitting her table.

“Oi!” She gasped, startled by the noise. The source of it being no other than Cedric Diggory himself.

“Good afternoon to you, too.” Cedric grinned.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to talk to strangers.” y/n remarked back, mindlessly reading through the pages of her charms text book.

“Listen, I need some help with the potions essay.” Cedric asked. She cocked her head at him, he looked rather nervous to ask for something as simple as help with a potions essay.

“Sure,” y/n shook her head. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Cedric thanked her and exited the library as swiftly as he came in. She then headed back to the common room herself, joining Hannah, who was sat by the fireplace.

“So,” Hannah started cautiously. “What did Cedric want?”

“Nothing really,” y/n sighed. “Just asked me for some help in potions that’s all.”

She shrugged and went back to writing. Hannah face palmed, looking at her friend with a disappointed expression, “You honestly believe Cedric Diggory wanted your help in potions. He nearly does all the assignments for you in class and has top marks in all his subjects.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” y/n looked up from her parchment.

“Wow, you are so bloody thick.” Hannah replied, shaking her head.

Anya, a girl in the year right below the two, laughed. She quickly brought her hand up to her mouth and went back to focusing on the book she was reading. y/n sharply looked at hear, “What are you on about, Anya?”

Anya plopped her book on her lap and laughed mockingly, “Seriously?” She beckoned the two girls who sat in front of her. y/n sent her a look, a mixture of confusion and anger etched across her face. Hannah sat in silence sharing looks with both girls.

“Well, y/n, if you really need me to spell it out for you,” Anya sighed. “You love him.”

y/n let out a laugh so loud the entire common room turned to face the group of girls. This had been the funniest thing she had heard in a long time. Tears formed in her eyes, however her laughing ceased when she looked back up at both Hannah and Anya, who held straight faces. “Why aren’t you two laughing?”

“Because-“ Hannah hesitated. “Because you are. It’s practically plain as day. You talk about him nonstop, really. Not to mention the way you look at that boy, its plain to see for anyone. You can convince yourself you still hate him, but we all know that’s a load of hippogriffs”

The two girls looked back at y/n, her lips pressed tightly together. Her thoughts danced rapidly in her mind. Visions of Cedric Diggory swarmed her and her pit in her stomach was replaced with butterflies. Did she actually like him? Was the hatred she gave him just a coverup for how she truly felt? Was she really that scared? There was no doubt that she held a deep resentment for the boy, although now a days she may even consider him an acquaintance, but love?

His stupid eyes, his stupid smile, his stupid laugh, his stupid face– oh. 

She felt heat climb up to her face, turning red in an instant. y/n shook the thought, the possibility, of her loving a boy she swore to hate. She rolled up the parchment she was working on and stormed from the common room.

Trying to clear her head, y/n paced around the castle. She found herself sitting in an empty corridor, watching the sun setting from the window. A presence appeared.

“Mind if I join you?” the voice called. y/n’s head snapped up, Cedric. She nodded, motioning the space on the bench besides her.

“It’s beautiful,” Cedric said, watching the colors of the sky melt into one another.

“I suppose it is,” y/n replied, her lips tugging into a faint smile. “Reminds me of when we first came to Hogwarts, how magical everything was.”

“The good old days,” Cedric smirked. He paused, taking a deep breath. His grey eyes flickered up at her, a warms encased in his gaze. “Y/n, there’s something I have to tell you.”

He looked at her with shy eyes. y/n felt it all come up, her emotions and her thoughts, awaiting to come out. But she couldn’t let them. She stood up instantly, taking Cedric by surprise.

“No!” she shoted. “No, you can’t do this! I vowed to hate you for the rest of my life. And that's exactly what I’m going to do!”

“Are you serious?” Cedric deadpanned.

y/n looked him straight into his eyes, “Of course, I’m serious. You spilt a whole cauldron of amortentia on me.”

“We were thirteen.” He said back to her, almost sounding confused.

She huffed at his answer crossing her arms, “Well, Cedric, maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if you weren’t the dumb boy I smelt.”

The words fell off her tongue quicker than she could think about them. y/n gasped, throwing her hand over her mouth. Cedric stood very still, staring blankly at her. They both waited for the other to say something further, but neither of them could find the words. Cedric was the first to break the silence.

“Wait, you­—you smelt me in your amortentia?” he asked slowly. y/n shook her head, looking towards the ground. “Y/n, that day in class, why I spilt the potion, I didn’t mean it. I was just so in shock because you were the girl I smelt in mine. I was so caught up in the moment. I wish I told you sooner.”

y/n’s head shot up, locking eyes with him. Cedric smiled sheepishly, a blush crawling up his neck and onto his cheeks. “Cinnamon, linen and citrus. That’s what you smell like.”

“I don’t know what to say, Cedric,” y/n smiled. “You just smelt like that horrible cologne you used to wear third year.”

Cedric laughed heartily, letting out a hey!

“Kidding,” she giggled. “Kidding. Fresh parchment, apple pie and autumn. Quite lovely really.”

Cedric took her hand, wrapping it in his. He pressed his lips gently against her knuckles, and for a moment it felt as if they were thirteen again running around the corridors, drinking butterbeers and being kids again. Where they didn’t know hatred for one another.

y/n took a deep breath, flickering her eyes up to meet his. She looked down at his lips and he leaned it, pulling her into him. His hands glided up to rest around her face, where he dived into her. It was like they had belonged there for eternity and they had been too blind to see each other in all of the perfect beauty they bestowed. All because of a nervous boy and some spilt amortentia.

(‘I still can’t believe you spilt the entire cauldron on me’ ‘Oh, shut it.)

[doeilovr]

Crushes and Peaches

requested by anon: they asked for a Jaehyun one shot, where he knows your crush on him. After a round of truth or dare only leads to a misunderstanding (since you’re shy) he ends up finding out about your crush on him. It’s with lots of fluff and a bit of smut hehe I tried I hope you like it :)

-> Genre: Jaehyun x femReader, Student Jaehyun, college au, fluff, a bit of smut

-> Warnings: explicit language, mentions of alcohol and drug use, suggestive themes

-> Word count: 3.5 k

You had known Jung Jaheyun for a while now. Going to the same college and having the same friends, you often found yourself hanging out with him. You would call him a good friend. But secretly you wished to call him your boyfriend.

On weekends after studying you would hangout with him and your friends at their dorm, drinking, eating and talking until the early morning. You would all go to parties , although you absolutely despised those. All just to see Jaehyun.

Your friends knew you had the biggest crush on him and would even tease you about it, yet you never saw Jaehyun get the hint.

After another long week of studying you were happily walking out of college, talking to Mark and Johnny and making plans for the weekend. You already saw yourself sitting on the sofa, slurping ice tea and watching TV, but Johnny and Mark had different plans.

“Jungwoo is throwing a party tomorrow”, Mark rubbed his hands in excitement. Johnny furrowed his brows, “Jungwoo was the engineering guy, right?” Mark chuckled, slapping his friend on the arm playfully. “Yeah, we’ve been to one of his parties before.”

You watched Johnny chuckle, slapping himself on the forehead. “Stupid me. I should smoke less.” You couldn’t help but laugh too. Johnny was the driver of your group that’s why he always sticked to smoking instead of drinking. Wasn’t really better, but he got you always home safely, so you didn’t complain.

Johnny drove all of you home after class too, whenever you finished at the same time, since your dorm was close to theirs. You were just walking to his car, when an arm suddenly landed on your shoulder, pulling you in a light side hug.

“What are my favorite people doing”, Jaheyun greeted you, a big smile across his face. You looked up to him, smiling nervously at the sudden contact and quickly averted your gaze when he caught your eyes. “Party at Jungwoo’s, tomorrow”, Mark summarized.

“That’s the engineering kid, am I right?” You and Johnny laughed in unison, Jaehyun was definitely spending too much time with Johnny. Mark only sighing. “You guys, seriously”, he mumbled, shaking his head with his typical cute giggle.

Johnny drove you to your place, the boys waving their goodbyes to you, before you disappeared in your dorm. You shared an apartment with two other girls, Yeri and Joy. And you were glad both of them were laid back and chill, since that gave you the opportunity to really relax at home.

Never in the world you could imagine yourself living in a dorm of 5, like your friends did. It was already enough to handle Mark and Johnny sometimes, but when a whole Yuta and Ten were home too, who were literally the life of the party themselves, it was always loud. Loud and honestly funny.

But maybe that was the reason you found yourself crushing over Jaehyun. Even if he was super outgoing, whenever you were with him, it was really chill and fun. He was entertaining and a good listener. And damn did he have a pretty smile. The way his dimples popped out always brought butterflies to your stomach.

You spent the rest of the day doing homework and relaxing. As you were lying down in bed, you got a video-call from Johnny. “What’s up”, you said, sitting up in bed again. Johnny was lying in bed, shirtless, which you tried to ignore. “Just wanted to make sure you were still alive after Jaehyun touched you today.”

You choked on your spit, shooting Johnny a warning glare. “What the fuck, John.” He laughed, shrugging at you. “It was a joke, y/n.” You sighed, leaning your head on your hand. “Are you calling me to say I should confess to Jaehyun? Because that’s not gonna happen”, you declared, raising your eyebrows slightly.

“Okay, listen. I was gonna say exactly that-“ you interrupted him with a loud and mocking laugh, “I knew it”, before he continued, “but now I got a different idea.” You rolled your eyes at him. “Johnny I’m not gonna send him nudes. That idea is and will always be out of question.”

You remembered the countless times Johnny had given you advice on how to win Jaehyun, but it had always been questionable things like sending him nudes or making him jealous. “You’re lame. Everyone likes a good-“ before he could continue, you raised your hand at him. “Please, don’t. I’m going to bed.”

Johnny mumbled some incoherent words, before he said goodnight and then you hung up, shaking your head in disbelief at his weird ideas. You didn’t want to lure Jaehyun into liking you. You wanted him to really like you, even if that meant you had wait a little. And maybe someday you would tell him about your feelings. Maybe. But maybe not.

The following evening, you found yourself standing in front of your mirror, holding up a white floral dress you had recently bought. Yeri was painting her toe nails at your desk, while Joy was lying on her stomach on your bed, watching you. They were always giving you fashion advice whenever you went to a party.

“God, y/n, you’re not going to church. Put that back”, Joy complained. You sighed in defeat, putting it back into the closet. “Wear the navy one, with the spaghetti straps”, Yeri wasn’t even looking your direction. You grabbed the dress from your closet, one you bought some time ago, but never had the courage to wear. You held it up, turning to Joy, who was looking impressed.

“This is it, honey”, she clapped, getting up from the bed to get your black heels from under your bed. Your friends just knew you too well. After getting dressed, Yeri curled your hair, while Joy put on some lip gloss and a bit of eye makeup. “Jaehyun will not be able to keep his eyes off of you tonight”, Joy smirked, wiggling her eyebrows and earning a laughter from you and Yeri.

You held Mark’s hand, entering the house and being welcomed by disco lights, dancing students and the deafening bass of bad guy. The rest of your friends had arrived earlier and were already spread out throughout the house.

Mark lead you to the kitchen, where Yuta was greeting you with a quick hug. “You look good”, Yuta winked and you smiled. He was such a flirt. Mark handed you a red cup, “I made it sweet”, he explained, almost shouting as the music was quiet loud in the kitchen. You took a sip, immediately tasting the sweet strawberry juice and almost forgetting it contained alcohol, if it wasn’t for the strong smell of wodka. Mark was watching you and smiled when you gave a thumbs up, turning away to talk to Yuta.

Your eyes went to the dance floor, where students were dancing wildly to a Lady Gaga remix. Your eyes wandered around until they stopped at Jaehyun’s tall figure, leaning against the wall across the room. He waved at you and even though it was too dark to see, you just knew his dimpled smile decorated his face.

You waved back at him, a shy smile playing on your lips. Mark put his hand on your waist, your attention wandering to him, “wanna dance”, he asked, raising an eyebrow. You looked up at him, unsure and shrugged, “I don’t know, Mark.” Your gaze went back to the dance floor and the crowd of students. The song was just changing into a popular song by the Weekend and you found yourself relax a bit.

Mark noticed the change in your expression, leading you to the dance floor. You carefully started to move to the beat, the cup of liquor in one hand. Mark knew you weren’t really into parties, so he made sure you felt somewhat comfortable, dancing around you until he saw you smile. Who wouldn’t smile seeing his goofy dance moves, come on.

The bass of the song was vibrating in your chest and you felt your feet and hips naturally move to the melody. Before you knew it you were losing yourself in the music, the alcohol making you loosen up more. Enjoying yourself, you closed your eyes, just trying to live in the moment.

As the song changed you opened your eyes again, finding a familiar figure standing in front of you. Your breath hitched at the sight of no other than Jung Jaehyun, swaying slightly to the beat as he studied you. He looked insanely good in his black jeans and orange Hawaiian shirt, an unreadable expression on his face.

At that moment you were so thankful for the lights that prevented Jaehyun from seeing your panicked reaction. Oh god, why did he look at you with those eyes. Suddenly feeling way too nervous, you pointed at your cup. “Excuse me”, you yelled over the loud music, turning on your heel to head back to the kitchen.

You honestly didn’t even want another drink, or whatever it was that Mark had given you, you just neeeded to get away from Jaehyun and his handsome face. You did feel a bit bad though, leaving him standing on the dance floor like that.

Interrupting your thoughts, a hand suddenly landed on your shoulder, startling you. You turned your head to find the host of the party, Jungwoo, grinning down at you. “Hey y/n”, he greeted. “Hi”, you shyly smiled. Jungwoo leaned down, a mixture of smoke and liquor filling your nose, “some of us are playing truth or dare. Johnny asked me to invite you”, he explained softly.

Johnny would never let you live, huh. You wanted to turn him down, but Jungwoo’s smile was way too sweet to say no to. “Lead the way”, you sighed in defeat. Jungwoo motioned with his head and you followed him through the kitchen, all the way to the back of the house, where it was a lot calmer.

There was a leather sofa on the side, yet everyone sat in a circle on the floor. You spotted Johnny on the floor, making sure to send him a death glare, but he only winked at you teasingly. On your right sat Mark and Yuta, laughing together. There were a few other students you had only see a few times on campus and - oh how you hated Johnny - Jaheyun turning his head around to look at you.

You didn’t spare him a glance and quickly sat down between Jungwoo and someone that was apparently called Haechan. “Alright”, Jungwoo lead the game, looking around the group, “I assume everyone knows the rules of truth or dare.” You nodded absentmindedly, your gaze fixed on the floor. You sat on your knees, your dress thankfully covering you legs. Still you felt super nervous, unconsciously chewing on your lips.

Jungwoo pointed to Haechan, “let’s start with you, Haechanie. Truth or dare?” Mark quickly lifted his hand, like the good student he was and you found yourself smiling at his cute action. You always asked yourself how someone like Mark ended up at parties like this.

“Your first kiss”, Mark blurted out, seeming genuinely curious. You almost chocked, asking yourself if you were the only one who didn’t want an answer to that. Haechan hummed next to you, deeply in thought. “Okay, here we go”, he snipped his finger, as he finally made up his mind.

Your head turned to the boy next to you and you did a double take, when you noticed Jaehyun staring at you. He was sitting on the right side of Haechan, facing you (of course).

Nervously you averted your gaze, focusing back on Haechan. “I’m not straight, but Joy from biology.” Your eyes widened at the familiarity of the name. Was he talking about your Joy? Your roommate Joy? You blinked at him in shock, while he earned a few high fives from his friends.

Haechan locked eyes with you, “Y/n”. You looked away, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks as everyone’s eyes fell on you. “Truth or dare?” You heard Haechan chuckle next to you. You nervously cleared your throat, “I’ll go with truth.”

The last time you had played truth or dare was at a party last year and when you chose dare you ended up in a closet with Yuta. He didn’t try anything, but rather told you funny stories from parties he attended in the past. You thought it was sweet and you actually enjoyed talking to him, but he got so wasted that night, you doubted he’d remember anything.

“What is your favorite thing about Jaehyun”, Haechan asked, dragging out his name. You just knew he had an evil grin on his lips, before your head shot up to meet his eyes. Your gaze wandered to Jaehyun, who was leaning back on his hands, tilting his head at you. He looked curious and you felt your heart beat fast in your chest.

What could you say? Everything. That was the truth, you liked every goddamn thing about this man. Damn, why did Haechan have to chose you for this stupid game. No, why did Jungwoo convince you to join in the first place.

You inhaled sharply, “well I think- I don’t know, his cheeks are cute”, you shrugged, your voice unnaturally high. Jaehyun smiled a bit at your answer, his dimples popping out and you felt like melting at the view. But then Haechan wheezed, “are you talking about his ass cheeks” and you suddenly felt like dissolving into thin air.

Jaehyun’s eyes widened and he averted his gaze. Yuta leaned forward, “wait did you two”, he murmured, motioning something wild with his hands. You felt your cheeks burn from embarrassment and looked anywhere but into Jaehyun’s eyes. “No of course not”, your voice sounded smaller than you intended.

“It’s okay, we got it y/n”, Jungwoo patted your back lightly, continuing the game. “Yuta, truth or dare?” While they continued, Jaehyun watched you intently, biting back the urge to grin. Your answer was just way too cute to handle. He wondered what else you found cute about him.

You kept your eyes on the floor, too embarrassed to do anything, as the game continued for some time. Why did you have to screw up so bad? This was so embarrassing.

“Excuse me”, you suddenly mumbled, getting up and leaving the group. You just wanted to go home, god, could Jaehyun ever look you in the eyes again? Were you exaggerating? You stopped in the kitchen, taking a shot of whatever was in the shot glasses and slammed the empty glass on the counter.

As you reached out for a second glass, a hand softly grabbed your wrist, holding you back. “I don’t think that’s a good idea”, a familiar voice mumbled. The music was loud, but the person stood so close behind you, his breath tickled your ear. You slowly turned your head, finding Jaehyun once again.

“Oh, you’re talking to me”, you said out loud, though it was meant to be a thought. Jaehyun chuckled. “Of course, I think a talk is long overdue between us”, he nodded, licking his lips. The way he said ‘between us’ made your heart flutter.

“I’m not good at talking, as you might have noticed earlier.” God, why were you so honest all of a sudden? You glanced at the liquor to your side, cursing yourself for taking a shot, as you had to deal with the consequences now.

Jaehyun chuckled again, this time it was a lot deeper. “Come with me”, he demanded, grabbing your hand and pulling you along with him. It was pretty crowded when you walked up the stairs, but the noise died down as soon as he closed a door behind you.

You walked into what looked like someone’s bedroom, examining the posters on the wall. The shot you took earlier suddenly got to your head and you sat down on the edge of the bed, holding your head. “Ok that was a bad idea”, you mumbled to yourself.

Jaehyun kneeled down in front of you, concern in his eyes. “Are you okay?” He looked up meeting your eyes and smiled softly. You blinked a few times, feeling like getting lost in his beautiful eyes. “It hurts”, you whispered and Jaehyun widened his eyes at you. “What?” His voice was full of cornern as he lifted his hand to cup your cheek. “What hurts?”

Everything did. Your feet hurt in these damn heels and your head hurt from the alcohol. But most of all your heart hurt. Jaehyun was in front of you and you could tell him how you felt, but what if he wouldn’t like you back? Jaehyun tilted his head, his thumb drawing circles on your cheek. He looked at you with such adoration, you wondered if you might have just imagined it.

“My shoes”, you whispered, leaning forward to take them off and tossing them to the side. Jaehyun’s eyes wandered from your eyes to you lips, his other hand resting on your knee. Without wasting another second he captured your lips in a gentle kiss and you felt like your heart completely stopped.

It was so unexpected, when he pulled back you asked yourself if this was maybe just a dream. He softly smiled at you, seeing your puzzled expression. The room was dark, the only light coming from the fairy lights on the wall behind you, yet Jaehyun could perfectly see the smile that formed on your glossy lips.

“You taste like peaches”, Jaehyun whispered, getting up slightly to kiss you again. This time, he laid you down on the bed and hovered above you, while never breaking the kiss. His hands came down from your cheek to your neck, tilting your head so he could deepen the kiss.

Your hand traveled to his shoulders and then to the buttons of his shirt. You could feel him smile against your lips, as you unbuttoned the orange shirt slowly. “I’ve been waiting for a long time to do this”, Jaehyun confessed, his mouth moving to place little kisses on your neck. “You looked so hot when you danced earlier”, he whispered against your neck and oh god did his words have an effect on you.

You closed your eyes, drowning in Jaehyun’s kisses, your hands roaming around his toned chest. “Jaehyun.” Your voice was shaky and your head was spinning. Jaehyun stopped in his tracks, his eyes searching for yours. “Yes, baby?” You blinked at him, biting down on your lip at his words.

“I want to take it slow”, you whispered nervously, Jaheyun only nodding. “Of course. I like slow”, he smirked and you couldn’t help but giggle. He moved to lie down next to you, opening his arms to invite you to hug him. You put your head on his chest, arms hugging around each other’s bodies.

You kept lying in silence for some time, just listening to his heartbeat while calming down your own. Did that really just happen?

“Jaehyun?” He hummed in response, his chest vibrating under you. “Did you mean that? Were you waiting to, you know, kiss me?” Jaehyun chuckled, “yes, I meant it.” You lifted your head to look at him, you just couldn’t believe his words.

“I have liked you for a long time now”, he shyly admitted. You could swear his ears were turning red from embarrassment, but it was hard to tell in this lighting. “What?” You gasped slightly, making him chuckle again.

“But- I had a crush on you too?” You were shaking your head at him. Jaehyun’s hand stroked your back, “I know.” Your mouth formed an ‘o’ shape and you didn’t know whether to laugh or not. Were you really that obvious, or did someone tell him?

“I remember the first time I noticed you liked me back”, he smiled, his gaze wandering to the ceiling, as if he recalled memories. “I thought it couldn’t be. You liking me back? No way. But the more time passed, the more I knew.”

“But you didn’t say anything”, you furrowed your brows. Jaehyun’s eyes came back to yours. “I wanted to wait for the right moment I guess”, he shrugged, tucking a lose strand of hair behind your ears.

You stared at him with a pout, putting your head down on his chest again. “You could have saved both of us from the embarrassment that was truth or dare”, you stated. It sounded like both a question and a realization and Jaehyun pressed his lips together. You were just too cute.

“I don’t care. We’re here now, right?” You lifted your head again, humming in response. It felt so good, now that you were finally with Jaehyun. You didn’t really know how this even happened, but you were thankful anyway.

So was Jaehyun. He felt like the luckiest guy ever, just lying here with you and knowing you liked him back. The muffled sound of the arctic monkeys song blasting downstairs and the feeling of your warm body entangled with his. It was perfect. You were perfect.

“By the way, is this Jungwoo’s room?” You giggled, your eyes roaming around the room again. Jaehyun hummed, “Jungwoo?” His hand drew patterns on your back, as he collected his thoughts. “Is that the engineering kid?”

a/n: I hope you enjoyed this one shot, thanks again for requesting it! forgive me if there are any spelling errors, btw did you notice the innuendo in the title ;) just sayin

[matryosika]

shoot me, chapter VI

pairing — changbin x reader

rating — 18+

genre of the overall series — smut, angst, fluff if you squint

prologue chapter I chapter II chapter III chapter IV chapter V chapter VI

word count for this chapter — 4.1 k

warnings — mentions of alcohol and emotional abuse

note — this chapter has no smut in it. still, the love-story gets completely developed here. next chapters will be filled with smut and angst so stay tuned! i haven't read this chapter because i wanted to upload it as soon as possible, so it may contain grammar mistakes. i will check it later since i have to go out with my family to have dinner! <3 hope you enjoy

taglist:@cozyblues @ahgasearmyfan @binnie-m00n @minaamhh @pinkishwen @spilledtee

*

[changbin's pov]

"so?" you asked him, modeling one of the dresses that you had previously selected from the expensive clothing shop "what do you think?"

she looks like a goddess.

"good" changbin limited to reply. "is that the last one?"

"c'mon you are not helping at all" you grunted, turning around slightly on the mirror to see the full silhouette of the dress "this might be the one, don't you think?"

i think so. i think you look perfect in all the things you have tried on, actually.

"it's alright" the dark-haired man reply "just take that one and let's get this over with"

"jesus, changbin" you whined "you are such a pain in the ass. if you were in a bad mood then you shouldn't have accepted to drive me here so i can buy a dress for the wedding"

you had been in korea for a month and 2 weeks now, your relationship with changbin growing unconciously intimate as you often engage in sexual encounters with him. you wouldn't say the both of you were close, but each day that passed by you could feel how you learned more about him just like he learned more about you too. you wouldn't consider him a good friend, since hostility made a presence every now and then between the both of you, but you had learned to spend time with him without feeling the need to put plugs into your ears and a blindfold to stop acknowledging his existence.

"if you needed help picking a dress" changbin interrupted, standing up from the seat he had been occupying for the last 45 minutes "you should've asked hyejin or ryujin to come and help you out, not me"

"hyejin is busy" you were quick to respond "ryujin had work today and you were the only other person i know that owns a car"

"cabs exist"

"yeah well" you made a pause, swallowing hard "i don't like cabs"

"you could've asked arthur to lend you his private driver" changbin tilted his head slightly.

"i get uncomfortable with strangers" you answered after a few seconds of being completely silent, changbin's gaze making you incredibly nervous.

"really?" he inquired, one of his hands traveling all the way to the pocket of his jacket as he pulled his wallet out. "why won't you just admit that you wanted to spend time with me?"

"fuck no" a grimace of disgust was quick to appear on your face "don't get confused. i would rather be dead than to spend more time with you than i already have to"

"yet you are still here" he teased "maybe i'm not as unbearable as your mind is trying to convince you i truly am"

with lazy steps he took the bunch of dresses that were piled up on the chair next to him, putting them all over his shoulder as he walked to the counter. "what are you doing?" you asked, still wearing the last dress you tried on.

"you are indecisive and i am starving" he said without even looking at you "i don't need to spend another 45 minutes here looking at how much you struggle to pick between 5 dresses, just have them all and pick one when you are alone"

you looked at him in desbelief "do you have any idea of how much just one of them cost? are you stupid?" you almost yelled in astonishment, looking at the figure of changbin slightly turning around to face you.

"i am not stupid" changbin reply "like i said, i am just hungry"

and currently thinking about how beautiful you are looking right now with that look of amazement on your pretty face. if i could, i would buy you the entire world just for you to destroy.

[y/n's pov]

"i will pay every single one of those dresses back before i leave" you mumbled, eating your food as if you had been starving for days "i had money, i didn't need you to come and rescue me as if i was some sort of damsel in distress"

"you were in distress though" he added, taking a sip of the drink he ordered "you took almost 30 minutes just to pick one dress to try on, you are really undecisive"

"yeah well, it's not like i had anywhere else to be" you replied.

"isn't arthur going to have a small gathering at his house today?" changbin inquired "like a pre-celebration of the wedding or something?"

you shrugged your shoulders "i don't know and i don't care. i am just here for the wedding and then i will be finally free"

you kept on eating your plate of food, confused as to why changbin's gaze stayed fix on you. "what, do i have something on my f-?"

"are you leaving right after the wedding?" he asked in a very hostile way, almost as if he had completely forgot that you were not going to stay forever.

"not right after but that's the main reason i came here, yeah" you replied, having a mixture of feelings inside your guts.

you couldn't deny the fact that you missed tsukuba, but living there meant to be trapped in the university dorms 24/7 just studying. but still, the lifestyle you have had for the past time was absolutely something you could get use to it: ryujin, hyejin, going out on the weekends, being free from school, changbin...

changbin?

"i still don't know the exact date though" you added "school doesn't start for me in another months so..."

"how is your life?" he asked, earning a weird look from you as you couldn't quite understand his question "in Japan, i mean"

you sighed. you had thought that living in japan was really good and you felt utterly comfortable living there until you arrived to korea and discovered a whole new life style that you had already learned to love. not only that, but leaving everything here was going to get you a bit nostalgic in the future. "it is great, better than people say it is honestly" you responded as he nodded "i live at the university dorms so life is pretty much everything but rushed. i spend my days at the library studying, i sometimes work as a shadow teacher for like 4 or 5 kids and on weekends i go and visit my mom and her partner"

"your mom got married after divorcing arthur?" changbin followed, just in time as he finished his dish of food.

"uh, it's complicated" you gave him a smile "she lives with someone and she is very happy"

"and are you?"

you were about to answer the question when you felt a pinch on your heart. a month ago you would have replied "yes" without a doubt. you thought you were happy living in japan, you thought you were happy when you visited thea, your mother, and reiko, her girlfriend. you thought you were happy when reiko made you her special coffee and you thought you were happy when they ocasionally visited you on winter nights at your dorm. you thought you were happy when you worked with children and spent time with them. you thought you were happy when you rode your bike from school to work and you thought you were happy when ryejin visited you and your mom on the holidays.

however, you had learned a new definition of happiness here.

"are you?" you fired back.

changbin slightly tilted his head as he laid completely back on his seat "i could be"

"what is exactly stopping you from being happy?" you asked him, intruiged.

"even if i explained it to you" he mumbled "i don't think you will be able to understand it"

"ah, there you are again" you scoffed, slightly rolling your eyes "your god complex has not show all day. i guess you missed it."

"c'mon" he grunted, raising his hand at one of the waiters at the restaurant "let's go somewhere else"

"where exactly?" you laughed "to your place? your car? a motel? jesus changbin, you can't really go a day without fucking, can you?"

"that's not actually what i had in mind" he replied, taking out his credit card as he saw the waiter approaching the table "but i mean if you want to fuck i won't say no"

"you had something in mind?" you asked, faking excitment "for me? you planned something for me?"

"if you want i can drop you at arthur's place right now so he can force you to have dinner with him and his bride. it's up to you"

you weren't really feeling like spending "quality time" with your father, and you also knew that hyejin was probably not going to attent the dinner, so there was no point of you being there. but at the same time, the thought of spending time with changbin doing non-sexual activities was something that it always made you nervous for an unknown reason, and you were feeling particularly nervous today.

"whatever"

*

the evening went on peacefully and that alone was unreal. he drove you to the center of seoul and suggested to take a walk around the most popular avenues because "the city looked better at night", something you have always believed too.

changbin was attractive and, even though your personalities crashed every damn time, you couldn't deny the fact that there were some sort of intimate bond going on between the both of you since that very first night at the bar. still, you wouldn't accept it. you wouldn't accept that the one person you disliked the most was starting to change your mind.

and you couldn't get yourself to trust him either. you couldn't trust any men, for that matter.

"have you thought about which dress you are going to wear tomorrow?" he asked so casually, his hands inside the pockets of his jacket as his gaze diverted from building to building.

"no" you replied, trying to get back at the trail of thoughts you had been threading since you left the restaurant with him. "have you?"

"have i thought about the dress i am going to wear tomorrow?" he laughed "i don't know, it will depend on which one you lend me"

"i got distracted" you admitted "but i will try on all the dresses tomorrow morning and i will give you the rest of them so you can return them to the store"

"i won't do that" he clicked his tongue "i bought them for you"

your heart skipped a beat after hearing those words and it was everything but pleasent.

"i don't want them"

"you can't reject a gift" he mumbled "that's the whole point of a gift"

"i will sell them on the internet" you threatened.

"do it, at the end of the day they are yours" he gave you a side look while smirking "but i wouldn't sell them if i were you. you look good in them"

"oh so you want to give opinions about the dresses now, huh?" you asked, mildly annoyed "you could've help me back at the store but you chose to be grumpy"

"at least i am helping you now"

"you are unbearable" you whispered.

a bright smile was quick to appear on his face. a genuine smile, as if he was enjoying the conversation. not only the conversation but the whole moment: you and him, walking around the city and talking about something so casual and trivial like which clothes you were going to wear tomorrow or which dress he liked best on you.

and for a moment it felt nice.

you felt safe.

"the red one was pretty" he added. you looked at him confused, once again lost in your trail of thoughts. "the red dress, the one that you tried on last"

"good" you responded "i'll make sure not to wear that one"

"you hate me that much?" he teased while a faint chuckle left his lips.

"oh changbin, you have no idea" deep down knowing it wasn't more than a vile lie.

*

you looked in the mirror one last time before you heard hyejin calling your name once again "y/n, how long will you take? i need to stop by the bakery to pick up the wedding cake"

"i'll be out in a minute" you replied, noticing how your hands got sweatier by the second.

you were quite nervous, but couldn't really understand why. maybe the sole thought of your father having his "happy ending" made you jealous because you knew that he did not deserve that at all; he didn't deserve the love he had.

the emotional abuse your mother and you suffered throughout your childhood and adolescence was not something that could be fixed in a month or two and you were certain about it. no matter how happy your father was, you couldn't help but to feel jealous about how he never had to suffer like you and your mother did.

and even though you got over your negative feelings towards him, the scars and aftermath of an abusive household still caught up on you: the mistrust, the negativity, the hostility and the lack of commitment were things you had to deal with on a daily basis.

of course he was the one to blame. but you were an adult now, and you were supposed to deal with all those issues by yourself. no one was going to fix them for you.

"jesus y/n, we are running late" hyejin busted the door open "are you ready now?"

"yes" you were quick to respond, grabbing the purse on your bed and trying to quickly divert from your sister's gaze.

"wait" she mumbled, gripping both of your shoulder as you intended to the leave the room "why are you tearing up?"

"i am not" you replied "i yawned"

she didn't look convinced, but still decided not to push any further "i'll meet you in the car, i just have to grab a few things"

you nodded and made your way through the hallway. because of how rushed she was, you didn't have a chance to tell hyejin how gorgeous she looked. she was wearing a golden shiny dress that embraced her body just fine and carrying a maching clutch with it. she was really pretty, maybe the prettiest woman you had ever seen, and not only that but she was also very smart. any guy would be head over heels for her, but she still decided not to engage in a "silly love story" as she called them because "it is a waste of her precious time, and time is money"

you wished you had the same mentality as she did, but you grew up getting educated on how love was portrayed in books, movies and television. it was ironic how you were the first person on earth to deny that love actually existed, but you were still a hopeless romantic after all.

*

[changbin's pov]

"changbin, are you too far from the church?" haeun, his mother, asked desperately as changbin picked up the phone.

"i'm right outside" he grunted "i told you i was not going to be late"

"we are sitting on the second bench at the left of the altar" the old woman added "hurry up"

changbin hung up the phone and cursed under his breath. the weather today was maybe too nice for his own liking and his clothes were a bit too uncomfortable to be wearing them under the sun.

as quickly as he could, he closed the door of his car and started walking towards the entrance, making sure that the ceremony hadn't started just yet so he wouldn't make a scene.

"did you bring the gift?" jang-yeop inquired as he sat down next to him and changbin nodded "did you also bring your mother the pair of shoes?"

"yes" he responded "how long is this going to take?"

"40-45 minutes?" his father replied "i have no idea, what time is it?"

"7:02 p.m." haeun was quick to answer "now, the both of you shut up"

right after she mumbled those words, music started to sound on the church. changbin, being in a rush to get to his seat before the ceremony started, didn't notice that arthur was already standing up next to the altar and waiting for his soon-to-be wife. changbin's gaze was fixed on arthur, then it diverted into the bride walking down the aisle and then returned to arthur once again. he never thought about marriage or building a family. hell, he never thought about having a romantic relationship that would last longer than a few months actually. but as he grew older, and as he experienced new stuff, he wasn't sure if he still had the same mentality he used to have last year.

to changbin, arthur seemed genuinely happy. his half-lidded eyes along with that bright smile he was wearing indicated that the man was living one of the happiest days of his life. and as changbin witnessed that romantic scene, the question that popped up in the conversation he had with you last night grabbed his attention once again.

what exactly is stopping me from being happy?

and before he could respond himself with words, his eyes had already found the answer: standing on the bench at the right of the altar and wearing that promising dark red dress that could drive any man insane, the woman he never dreamed of looking just as beautiful as the very first day he met her.

not being able to have her completely.

*

[y/n's pov]

after the ceremony, a big party was held at a very elegant event hall located in one of the tallest buildings of seoul. you were not particularly excited about having to see arthur's side of the family, but you still managed to keep yourself together the whole time.

"you are wearing the red dress" a sudden voice whispered into your ear as you were counting the tables that were still missing their dinner plates, an order given by hyejin. you slightly turned around to meet changbin's breath dancing on your neck and nape, goosebumps filling every single inch of your skin due to the proximity.

"congratulations" you sighed "your vision is crystal clear"

"i have been watching you since the ceremony" changbin added "i can't help but think about how pretty you are going to look when you are taking that dress off for me"

a spark of electricity traveled around your whole body and directly into your core. you immediatly looked around and notice a few people who worked for arthur's company sitting not that far away from the both of us "do you really want to do this here?" you asked "aren't you scared of being caught by any of arthur's friends?"

"are you concerned about that now?" he chuckled "that didn't seem to bother you at the company's elevator"

"c'mon" you whispered, your back slightly pressing against his chest "i have to help hyejin with some stuff"

changbin slightly gripped your hand and guided you to the dancefloor that was crowded with couples dancing around "i am sure that she can handle all of this by herself"

before you could protest, you took out your phone and sent her a message with the information she asked for. you had no idea what changbin was up to, but you still decided to follow him.

changbin positioned his hands on your waist as he gracefully dragged you across the dancefloor, looking for a spot in the middle of the crowd so it would be easier for the two of you to get lost.

"you are spending the night at my place" he mumbled over the slow songs that were now playing. it wasn't a question nor a petition, it was an order.

"yeah right" you chuckled "if you are too desperate to fuck we can do that, but i am not fond of sleepovers"

the thought of you spending the night with him was terrifying, but you would've been lying if you said that you hadn't think about what it would be like to wake up next to his him.

"i wasn't asking" he responded. "tell me when you are ready to leave".

with a swift movement, your whole body was pressed against his, his hands resting on your lowerback as you both swinged from side to side, following the rythm of the song. this was a whole new side of him that you didn't know it existed, and you couldn't deny that you were loving every second of it.

"who thaught you how to dance, huh?" you asked, your gaze fixed on his eyes that looked even brighter because of all the lights adorning the hall.

"there is so much about me that you don't know" he replied.

"oh i know everything there is to know about you, changbin" you scoffed "but let's see if you can keep surprising me"

*

it wasn't even midnight but people were already starting to get completely intoxicated with alcohol. arthur had spent the night dancing with ara and, after she was done being the unofficial wedding planner, hyejin ended up getting wasted with the small group of friends she invited to the wedding. you, on the other hand, spent the night dancing with changbin and eating your dinner with him.

it was not unusual to see the both of you together since you spent too much time at the company, but tonight it was sort of different. the looks he gave you, the way you two danced for hours on end, the way he was treating you... it felt different, a little bit more personal and intimate. his parents probably noticed this too, since they made a lof of comments about "how happy they were about us being really good friends". if only they knew.

"i think i am ready" you said to changbin after telling hyejin that you were going to spend the night somewhere else. she nodded her head and agreed to say, if asked, that "you were at ryujin's" even when she wasn't invited to the wedding in the first place. you just smiled at her and nodded, not leaving without telling one of her sober friends to look out for her.

"don't worry" the pretty pale girl mumbled "she will stay at my house tonight"

you glanced over to arthur and ara who were still having the greatest time of their lives on the dancefloor, and proceeded to walk away from the party with changbin. "you parents will stay here?"

"yeah, they will leave in an hour or so" changbin replied "i told them that you wanted to go home and that i was going to drive you"

"perks of living alone i guess" you joked.

the walk through the empty corridors of the building felt eerie as the loud sound of the music were still ringing in your ears. even though you were walking on your own, you could still feel changbin's ablazing touch on your body and that only provoked your heartbeat to go even faster.

as you waited for the elevator to open their doors, changbin's lips unexpectedly crashed against yours. it wasn't a passionate kiss, and it wasn't rushed either. it was just a kiss, an innocent kiss, a kiss you give to your significant other as a demostration of how much you love them. his soft lips dragged against yours as his teeth bite softly your bottom lip, earning a small whine from you. his hands, that were now located into your waist, guided you to the insides of the elevator once the doors were opened.

"you look so beautiful tonight" he whispered interrupting, his breathing getting faster each second that passed by "i can't get you out of my head"

his lips left yours to meet the sensitive spots on your neck, peppering soft kisses all over the surface. your gaze found the reflection of the scene in the mirror of the elevator, looking at how changbin was tasting every inch of your skin with his eyes closed, his rushed hands traveling all the way from your waist to your lower back trying to memorize every single trace of your body.

"i don't want to hurt you tonight" he continued "no roughness, no pain, no petnames. i want to make you completely mine, in the most pure way"

and for the night, you agreed to let your feelings out and let go.

no fear and no mistrust, you were ready to face the overwhelming feelings that had been building up inside you since the day you met him.

even if you could potentially regret it later...